I Don't Need This, Or Do I?

I am so blessed that my cousin, WP Sarah, is also my friend!  We live on opposite sides of the country, but we talk at least once a week and share in each other's blessings and heartaches regularly.  Actually, I don't have any sisters, but Sarah is like a sister to me.  We can talk for an hour (if our children let us), or we can call with a 2 minute "you have got to laugh at this with me" moment.  I pray for her almost every day, and I know that if I am troubled by something all I have to do is call her and she will be praying for me.  I'm so very blessed to have Sarah, my cousin, my "sister", my friend!  Here is something she emailed after our conversation today and she gave me permission to post it.  May it change your perspective on your circumstances today and may you be richly blessed.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

I Don't Need This, Or Do I?

In my weekly phone call to my cousin today we had mostly woes to discuss. Not that either of us pursue complaining as a career, but it would have probably sounded that way to an outsider. We took turns listing our difficulties of the week. In reflection I was sad that I hadn't shared any of the blessings with her.


One of my whine moments was in explaining that after 6 months of nursing and feeding difficulties, and a nodule on my son’s tongue, his doctor was FINALLY sending us to an E.N.T. to see what his thoughts are on my baby’s issues. I commented that this was not what I needed. Just like I don't need the extra specialist I have to see right now, just like my cousin doesn't need for her daughter to be in pain, so on and so forth.

However, God reminded me of the truth. The truth is I have a son with special needs that will be 8 next month. The truth is the last 8 years of my life have been spent in joyful, agonizing, painful, blessed moments. I could say that I didn't need any of it… the struggles, the years without sleep (this is not an exaggeration as he has a severe sleep disorder, we spent years on 1-3 broken hours of sleep at night), the regression, the aggression, the list of ever changing ever growing diagnosis, the hours at doctors offices, the tears, the weeping, the "I never thought I would go through this" moments. But is that the TRUTH? No, quite frankly it isn’t. The truth is God knew exactly what I would go through, and He let me go through it. The truth is that I did need it. I needed the compassion, the patience, the depth of love, the refining. I needed all of it. Apparently, I still need more.

As I mulled over these thoughts this evening, I was reminded of Ruth in the Bible. Did she need to lose everything she had ever known and loved? Her husband, her family, her religion, and her country? To live with and serve her mother-in-law? The truth, yes. It was exactly what she needed to know and serve the Living God. Her blessings abounded and she was given a place in the lineage of Christ. WOW! I don't think she was thinking, "How incredibly blessed I am," when her husband died. Or, "What a neat adventure. I wonder what blessings lie ahead for me," as she was leaving her country to follow Naomi. Seriously, how many of us would leave our families, religion, culture, to go to a foreign land, let alone with our mother-in-law. Let me just say....ya right, let me jump right on that caravan.

Seriously, God knows exactly what I need!

Today, my special needs son wanted to sit by me at dinner, he wanted me to hug him five times. He wanted me to rub his back. He hugged me gently and told me he loved me. If you only knew how my heart weeps for moments like these. Yesterday as I sat in church on Mother's Day I thanked God for my children and shed silent tears for the separation I feel with my special little boy. Today, I was so blessed by his love. God heard me. God felt my need for those moments, for those hugs, for those statements of acceptance and need from my son. Today I felt the love of God in my little boy.

God knows my heart, and He knows what I need.

WP Sarah