“Faith grows only in the dark. You’ve got to trust where you can’t trace Him. That’s faith. You just take Him at His Word, believe Him, and grip the nail-scarred hand a little tighter. And faith grows.” Lyell Rader
I ran across this quote today and it made me think of a verse that God showed me about five years ago.
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of His servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from My hand: You will lie down in torment. Isaiah 50:10-11
When I came upon these verses I was in the middle of a painful time in my life and I was, again, trying to figure out what to do and how to “fix” it. When He showed me these verses He opened my eyes to how I usually try to come up with a solution to my own problems. You know, I pray and ask Him to tell me what to do, and then I make a plan and start doing something. Do? Really? Why is that our first response to pain or problems?
What about, “Be still and know that I am God,”? It was profound to me that God says, “Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” The truth is, I prayed, but I was fully expecting for MY actions to get me out of the trouble I was in. I was “lighting my own fires” because I so feared being in the dark. Yet here He was saying that if I fear the Lord and trust the Lord, then I’ll rely on Him and NOT myself. And what’s going to happen when I rely on myself? I end up in torment (usually emotionally beating myself up over the "would've, should've, could've").
When I came across the quote by Lyell Rader that I started with today I knew I needed to write about this. We have been taught some poor theology thinking that we always need to be in the light. I don’t mean we go looking for the darkness, but when we find ourselves in a dark place and we know we are walking with Him, why don’t we just keep holding His hand and walk with Him? If we are with Him, trusting Him when we can’t see the next step, is that not complete reliance on Him? Is that not exactly what He wants? If it takes me being encompassed by the darkness to grip His hand tight and not let go and rely totally on Him instead of me, then that’s a good place to be. It feels a lot more scary walking in the dark, but who do we think we are when we can see what’s around us, what’s coming up, and it’s not scary and we don’t feel the urgency to hold on to Him or to let Him lead the way?
I am so thankful that even in the darkest times, I know He is there and I just hold on and take one blind step at a time. My hand in His.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Victory in a Refrigerator
Well, this has been another busy week around our house and I am again finding myself making this post at least a few days later than I had hoped. The week started off with an unexpected surprise. Monday morning when we were just getting ready to sit down and eat breakfast we noticed a strange, strong odor in the house. It was so strong that it was making us cough, so we opened the windows and ate out on the back patio. When I went back into the house the smell was still very strong even with all of the windows opened and there was a haze in the air. I began looking in earnest for the source. I had already checked the air conditioner, and thankfully, it was not the problem. The smell was always the strongest in the kitchen, so we set to work sniffing everything in the kitchen until we realized that it was coming from the vent at the bottom of the refrigerator. It smelled like electrical wires burning so I pulled it out and unplugged it.
Long story short, the compressor on the refrigerator burned up and was burning some of the wiring. So, instead of doing the schooling I had planned for my daughters that morning we had “home economics” and loaded everything into the spare fridge in the garage and cleaned the burnt one (I was still hoping it was repairable at that point). It was not cost effective to replace the compressor in it, so the next day we went and got to buy a new refrigerator, but it couldn’t be delivered until the following day. The bad part about that is the spare fridge in the garage doesn’t work so well and the freezer doesn’t keep stuff frozen. So, the girls got another home economics lesson and we cooked all of the meat (which, thankfully, wasn’t much).
Why in the world am I writing about such a mundane thing? Well, ladies, because this is victory for me.
#1. I did not have a fit and get upset when it broke and changed all of my plans for the day on Monday. (Have I ever mentioned how I love to plan and prepare for things to go smoothly? Oh, and maybe I get a bit upset when they don’t go the way I had planned.)
#2. I didn’t worry and fret all day while waiting for my husband to diagnose the problem. (Have I ever mentioned my amazing ability to obsess on one thing for hours, even days at a time?)
#3. I didn’t freak out about how we were going to afford to buy a refrigerator after using up our savings this last year that my husband was without a job. (I know that I have now mentioned my well-developed abilities of worry and obsession.)
#4. I was able to calmly enjoy the detour God had given us for the first three days of this week and not drive my children and husband insane with my worrying and attempts to come up with the solution. Incredibly, I was able to let the Lord show me what He had in mind throughout each part of those few days.
So, for those of you who aren’t type A, control freaks like me and you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal?” Any ONE of the things I listed above is a big deal to me! But that the Lord was free to do what He wanted in me this time is nothing less than miraculous. And I just want to publicly thank Him and give Him all the praise and glory for what He did in me this week!
By the way, He provided every penny for a new refrigerator, and I got a really nice one. In fact, I really like it. Oh, this is one more praise…I have this other talent to feel guilty about things most sane people couldn’t imagine feeling guilt over. Normally I would be feeling guilty for having, liking, and even enjoying my new refrigerator. Actually, I don’t think I could normally really enjoy it because of the guilt (weird, I know, but welcome to my warped little mind). But I don’t feel any guilt over having a new fridge, liking it, and even enjoying that I have a new one! I’m just thankful! That’s so cool and new for me, and it’s even better than having the new refrigerator.
I am sure that Lord has a lot for me to learn in this, and maybe I’ll be finding treasures for a long time through it, but a few verses come to mind right now:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
I am so thankful for how He directed me and made me a good example to my children in this one.
And my life verse, John 15:5
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.”
Woohoo! I didn’t “do” this time, I just remained in Him. I can only be so excited because I have been learning these lessons for a LONG time and it is so good to see Him do all of this in me at one time. Truly He did it. This is not the way I would handle any of it in my own abilities.
As I’m trying to figure out how to wrap this up, I’m wondering if this will make sense to anyone. I’m wondering if I’m the only one who struggles with these kind of silly thoughts, and if you will all think I’m a few bricks short of a full load for thinking this was worth sharing. I guess it doesn’t really matter though because even if you don’t get me and what He did in me, it’s still all for His glory.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Long story short, the compressor on the refrigerator burned up and was burning some of the wiring. So, instead of doing the schooling I had planned for my daughters that morning we had “home economics” and loaded everything into the spare fridge in the garage and cleaned the burnt one (I was still hoping it was repairable at that point). It was not cost effective to replace the compressor in it, so the next day we went and got to buy a new refrigerator, but it couldn’t be delivered until the following day. The bad part about that is the spare fridge in the garage doesn’t work so well and the freezer doesn’t keep stuff frozen. So, the girls got another home economics lesson and we cooked all of the meat (which, thankfully, wasn’t much).
Why in the world am I writing about such a mundane thing? Well, ladies, because this is victory for me.
#1. I did not have a fit and get upset when it broke and changed all of my plans for the day on Monday. (Have I ever mentioned how I love to plan and prepare for things to go smoothly? Oh, and maybe I get a bit upset when they don’t go the way I had planned.)
#2. I didn’t worry and fret all day while waiting for my husband to diagnose the problem. (Have I ever mentioned my amazing ability to obsess on one thing for hours, even days at a time?)
#3. I didn’t freak out about how we were going to afford to buy a refrigerator after using up our savings this last year that my husband was without a job. (I know that I have now mentioned my well-developed abilities of worry and obsession.)
#4. I was able to calmly enjoy the detour God had given us for the first three days of this week and not drive my children and husband insane with my worrying and attempts to come up with the solution. Incredibly, I was able to let the Lord show me what He had in mind throughout each part of those few days.
So, for those of you who aren’t type A, control freaks like me and you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal?” Any ONE of the things I listed above is a big deal to me! But that the Lord was free to do what He wanted in me this time is nothing less than miraculous. And I just want to publicly thank Him and give Him all the praise and glory for what He did in me this week!
By the way, He provided every penny for a new refrigerator, and I got a really nice one. In fact, I really like it. Oh, this is one more praise…I have this other talent to feel guilty about things most sane people couldn’t imagine feeling guilt over. Normally I would be feeling guilty for having, liking, and even enjoying my new refrigerator. Actually, I don’t think I could normally really enjoy it because of the guilt (weird, I know, but welcome to my warped little mind). But I don’t feel any guilt over having a new fridge, liking it, and even enjoying that I have a new one! I’m just thankful! That’s so cool and new for me, and it’s even better than having the new refrigerator.
I am sure that Lord has a lot for me to learn in this, and maybe I’ll be finding treasures for a long time through it, but a few verses come to mind right now:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
I am so thankful for how He directed me and made me a good example to my children in this one.
And my life verse, John 15:5
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.”
Woohoo! I didn’t “do” this time, I just remained in Him. I can only be so excited because I have been learning these lessons for a LONG time and it is so good to see Him do all of this in me at one time. Truly He did it. This is not the way I would handle any of it in my own abilities.
As I’m trying to figure out how to wrap this up, I’m wondering if this will make sense to anyone. I’m wondering if I’m the only one who struggles with these kind of silly thoughts, and if you will all think I’m a few bricks short of a full load for thinking this was worth sharing. I guess it doesn’t really matter though because even if you don’t get me and what He did in me, it’s still all for His glory.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Friday, September 10, 2010
Three Pronged Attack
Hello Warrior Princess Sisters,
I have been meaning to get this piece posted for a week and finally have time to do it this morning. This piece was written by Shyla, my good friend and an orginal member of the Warrior Princesses. She actually wrote this earlier this summer and I've been waiting for the right time to post it. It seems like now is the time.
A verse came to mind as I was re-reading it this morning and I'd like to share that now and then copy her story into this post.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
After you read Shyla's story, you will see why this verse came to mind and how she is choosing to stand firm. My prayer today is that you will see where the enemy is attacking you, that you will renounce his lies, and stand firm in the freedom of Christ today.
If you have a victory story to share please email it to me at kishbooks at hotmail dot com (I have to type it out that way to keep spammers from capturing my email, but you know how to type it into your email contacts, right?). Again, I won't post anything unless I have your permission and I can post your's under a fake name if you like.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
The Enemy’s 3 Prong Attack…He Came to Destroy Me…. God Came to Give Me Life!
I was not only being assaulted by the infidelity of my husband, the sheer rejection and betrayal of that, but I was also being attacked on two fronts of my own existence that had been deeply seeded in my soul. One was my infertility. The other was my body image.
My husband’s mistress was pregnant with his child, something that I had wanted for 13 years. Despite adopting 5 children and having the privilege of parenting many babies and older children whose own mommy’s couldn’t care for them, I was still devastated with the reality that I could not have a baby. I wasn’t a “real” mom because I couldn’t have a baby. I didn’t realize that it remained an issue for me until this other woman was pregnant with my husband’s baby. I was devastated. I reached up and out to my Daddy and asked, “Why would You allow this? Isn’t it bad enough that they are committing adultery? Why would you honor them with the gift of a child? How can You possibly allow this? Why would you give them a child and not me? How many years did I ask You for a child?” This was one area in my life where the enemy assaulted me the hardest. If there was any area in my whole life that he could attack, this would be the second and most painful. His desire is to sift me like wheat. And believe me, I was being sifted.
The second issue was body image. My husband chose a woman who was more fit than me. She was leaner and more muscular than me. She had a nicer body than me. Part of their escapes were at the gym. The gym was MY domain. Even mine and my husband’s. Why does this matter? My life up to this point had been lived believing that if I was fit enough, looked good enough, performed well enough as an athlete, then I was closer to being “good enough.” My acceptance of myself came through my body image and athletic performance through specific expectations I had placed on myself. To be less than my expectations was to be less than good enough. My husband understood this about me and he too placed pressure on me in subtle but evident ways. So to be rejected for someone who was “more” of all that I tried to be was very devastating for me. This is exactly where the enemy launched his third area of assault. Number three most devastating area the enemy could have assaulted me was right here on my body image.
Abundant life…I would need to recognize and receive His help in abolishing some lies that I had been believing for a very long time. Lies that had resulted in bondage for me. For starters, I had always felt like I was less than other women, that I was missing something because I couldn’t birth a child. I had felt as though I was less of a mother than all the women who can and do birth children. The enemy sold me a lie many years back and I bought it! He told me that I was missing something. He told me that I would never be a real mother because I couldn’t produce my own babies. He told me that I wasn’t good enough to birth a child. He told me that there was something wrong with me. Despite seeing many birth mothers who were incapable of parenting, through my experiences as a foster mom, I continued to buy this lie. With time and healing I realized that this was, in fact, a lie. My ability to be a mother has nothing to do with my ability to create a child in my womb. I still struggle with fully accepting this, but God has placed several mothers in my life that have both birthed and adopted children and they serve as mighty consolation for me that I am NOT missing anything. These precious women remind me that there is no difference in their feelings for or their abilities to care for their adopted and birth children. I do believe them. After coming to terms with the treacherous lie about my infertility and ability to be a good mother because of the inability to produce my own children.
To gain control over the lie that I was less than other women because I could not have a baby, I needed to renounce the agreement I had made with the enemy to believe such a lie about myself and my God. I verbally, out loud, in writing, (whatever form I could do at the time) needed to tell the devil that I break my agreement with him to believe this lie any longer. I had to acknowledge that I had bought the devil’s lie, that I thought wrongly of myself due to his lie, and that I thought sinfully of my God as well. I called him the Liar and Deceiver that he is and broke my agreement with him to believe his lie any longer. After that I invited the Lord right in to cover over this newly broken agreement with His reproving light of truth and asked Him to never allow me to go back to that place of believing this lie. Like any bondage we have subjected ourselves to, I have to revisit God’s Truth in this matter on occasion. It can be easy to fall back into old patterns of thinking. Whenever old, untrue thoughts of my inadequacy try to sneak in, I journal through them and call them what they are, big fat lies.
The same process has had to take place in regards to my false perceptions about my worth and body image. I was assaulted very hard in this place because it was a stronghold that painfully and thoroughly needed to be removed. I am thankful to God that He loved and regarded me so much as to allow such deep, precise pain in my life at that time. It was the kind of pruning that was necessary to get to the root of the issues. Don’t get me wrong, both the infertility and the body image issues have taken years to sort through and I am not complete yet. Far more free, but not complete. The enemy is a snake and he tries every way to usurp my rest and peace in what I know to be true about myself and how my God views me. In great goodness to me, God allowed a triple blow in my life, all at the same time, adultery (betrayal/rejection), infertility, and my body image. All three of these things challenged my worth as a woman. Looking back, in the beginning I was pleading with God to know why He would allow all three of these things to happen at once, in the dynamic of one horrific circumstance. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He did this because He loves me and desired me to be set free. I am so very thankful for Him choosing to burn away my bondage in one massive swoop. He knew what I needed more than I myself would ever know. I am so grateful!
WP Shyla
I have been meaning to get this piece posted for a week and finally have time to do it this morning. This piece was written by Shyla, my good friend and an orginal member of the Warrior Princesses. She actually wrote this earlier this summer and I've been waiting for the right time to post it. It seems like now is the time.
A verse came to mind as I was re-reading it this morning and I'd like to share that now and then copy her story into this post.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
After you read Shyla's story, you will see why this verse came to mind and how she is choosing to stand firm. My prayer today is that you will see where the enemy is attacking you, that you will renounce his lies, and stand firm in the freedom of Christ today.
If you have a victory story to share please email it to me at kishbooks at hotmail dot com (I have to type it out that way to keep spammers from capturing my email, but you know how to type it into your email contacts, right?). Again, I won't post anything unless I have your permission and I can post your's under a fake name if you like.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
The Enemy’s 3 Prong Attack…He Came to Destroy Me…. God Came to Give Me Life!
I was not only being assaulted by the infidelity of my husband, the sheer rejection and betrayal of that, but I was also being attacked on two fronts of my own existence that had been deeply seeded in my soul. One was my infertility. The other was my body image.
My husband’s mistress was pregnant with his child, something that I had wanted for 13 years. Despite adopting 5 children and having the privilege of parenting many babies and older children whose own mommy’s couldn’t care for them, I was still devastated with the reality that I could not have a baby. I wasn’t a “real” mom because I couldn’t have a baby. I didn’t realize that it remained an issue for me until this other woman was pregnant with my husband’s baby. I was devastated. I reached up and out to my Daddy and asked, “Why would You allow this? Isn’t it bad enough that they are committing adultery? Why would you honor them with the gift of a child? How can You possibly allow this? Why would you give them a child and not me? How many years did I ask You for a child?” This was one area in my life where the enemy assaulted me the hardest. If there was any area in my whole life that he could attack, this would be the second and most painful. His desire is to sift me like wheat. And believe me, I was being sifted.
The second issue was body image. My husband chose a woman who was more fit than me. She was leaner and more muscular than me. She had a nicer body than me. Part of their escapes were at the gym. The gym was MY domain. Even mine and my husband’s. Why does this matter? My life up to this point had been lived believing that if I was fit enough, looked good enough, performed well enough as an athlete, then I was closer to being “good enough.” My acceptance of myself came through my body image and athletic performance through specific expectations I had placed on myself. To be less than my expectations was to be less than good enough. My husband understood this about me and he too placed pressure on me in subtle but evident ways. So to be rejected for someone who was “more” of all that I tried to be was very devastating for me. This is exactly where the enemy launched his third area of assault. Number three most devastating area the enemy could have assaulted me was right here on my body image.
Abundant life…I would need to recognize and receive His help in abolishing some lies that I had been believing for a very long time. Lies that had resulted in bondage for me. For starters, I had always felt like I was less than other women, that I was missing something because I couldn’t birth a child. I had felt as though I was less of a mother than all the women who can and do birth children. The enemy sold me a lie many years back and I bought it! He told me that I was missing something. He told me that I would never be a real mother because I couldn’t produce my own babies. He told me that I wasn’t good enough to birth a child. He told me that there was something wrong with me. Despite seeing many birth mothers who were incapable of parenting, through my experiences as a foster mom, I continued to buy this lie. With time and healing I realized that this was, in fact, a lie. My ability to be a mother has nothing to do with my ability to create a child in my womb. I still struggle with fully accepting this, but God has placed several mothers in my life that have both birthed and adopted children and they serve as mighty consolation for me that I am NOT missing anything. These precious women remind me that there is no difference in their feelings for or their abilities to care for their adopted and birth children. I do believe them. After coming to terms with the treacherous lie about my infertility and ability to be a good mother because of the inability to produce my own children.
To gain control over the lie that I was less than other women because I could not have a baby, I needed to renounce the agreement I had made with the enemy to believe such a lie about myself and my God. I verbally, out loud, in writing, (whatever form I could do at the time) needed to tell the devil that I break my agreement with him to believe this lie any longer. I had to acknowledge that I had bought the devil’s lie, that I thought wrongly of myself due to his lie, and that I thought sinfully of my God as well. I called him the Liar and Deceiver that he is and broke my agreement with him to believe his lie any longer. After that I invited the Lord right in to cover over this newly broken agreement with His reproving light of truth and asked Him to never allow me to go back to that place of believing this lie. Like any bondage we have subjected ourselves to, I have to revisit God’s Truth in this matter on occasion. It can be easy to fall back into old patterns of thinking. Whenever old, untrue thoughts of my inadequacy try to sneak in, I journal through them and call them what they are, big fat lies.
The same process has had to take place in regards to my false perceptions about my worth and body image. I was assaulted very hard in this place because it was a stronghold that painfully and thoroughly needed to be removed. I am thankful to God that He loved and regarded me so much as to allow such deep, precise pain in my life at that time. It was the kind of pruning that was necessary to get to the root of the issues. Don’t get me wrong, both the infertility and the body image issues have taken years to sort through and I am not complete yet. Far more free, but not complete. The enemy is a snake and he tries every way to usurp my rest and peace in what I know to be true about myself and how my God views me. In great goodness to me, God allowed a triple blow in my life, all at the same time, adultery (betrayal/rejection), infertility, and my body image. All three of these things challenged my worth as a woman. Looking back, in the beginning I was pleading with God to know why He would allow all three of these things to happen at once, in the dynamic of one horrific circumstance. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He did this because He loves me and desired me to be set free. I am so very thankful for Him choosing to burn away my bondage in one massive swoop. He knew what I needed more than I myself would ever know. I am so grateful!
WP Shyla
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