All I Want For Christmas Is...

Merry Christmas Warrior Princess Sisters!  I don't know if anyone will have time to read this before Christmas, but I am motivated to write tonight so I will.  I haven't posted anything for over a month and part of the reason has been a bit of a temper tantrum and the other part of the times has been complacency.  But tonight I find myself in a place that I can say that God is good and what He does is good, and I found a profound poem I must share, so I will write tonight.

In case you haven't heard, we've had quite the month!  Two days after Thanksgiving my husband broke two ribs playing a friendly game with some friends and their kids.  Morgan (my 14 year old who was recovering from her leg surgery) was doing well enough to give up her crutches 3 days before Thanksgiving, but not well enough to play the game, so she just stood on the sidelines.  God truly has a sense of humor, because while she was standing on the sideline watching the game, one of the players ran into her and broke her foot!  (Aside from the pain, isn't that so unbelievable that it's laughable?)  We didn't really think it was broke, so we just went home. The next morning my husband's father died so we didn't really do anything about her foot that day.  By that night we were pretty sure the foot was broken, but decided to wait until the morning to go see her regular orthopedic doctor.  When we finally got in to see him we found it was truly a broken bone in her foot (yes, it was on the same leg she just had the surgery on), so they put her in a removable cast/boot thing.  WHILE I was at that appointment, my other daughter injured her ankle while playing at a friend's house.  She wouldn't put any weight on it but I couldn't believe that she had actually broke it, so I just had her put it up and take it easy. 

By the next morning it was apparent that it was probably broken.  Once we got in to see the same
orthopedic her sister regularly sees, we got x-ray confirmation that she had broken completely through her fibia.  Two girls in casts in two days and we were planning a funeral.  Not to mention that we don't have great health coverage so we will probably end up paying for the break completely out of pocket. Oh, and we just found out that our less-than-stellar health coverage was tripling in price and we can't change health plans until our first daughter finishes her physical therapy!  Okay, so now you know why I have had some down days and a few rounds of pouting before my God.

Some days I have felt like Noah in the ark.  The storm is raging around me.  It's not fun.  It doesn't feel very secure.  But somehow, I know that He is in control and He is going to bring us through this.  He is going to provide.  Other days, I am just tired, sad, and complain that we have already had to bear more than most people I know.  WHAH!  Those are the childish temper tantrum, pouting days. 

I have found myself telling God that what I want for Christmas is for us all to stay healthy!  No more medical problems and no more medical bills (more than a quarter of our income has gone to medical expenses this year).  I want a better job for my husband with better, less expensive health coverage.  I want to be able to save some money this year.  I want to have money to give away this year. Nothing that I want is unreasonable or materialistic, so why won't God be reasonable? 

"My thoughts are completely

different from yours,"

says the LORD.

"And my ways are far beyond

anything

you could imagine.

Isaiah 55:8

When I remember that I surrender all over again, sometimes multiple times in a day.  I choose to trust Him because I do believe that His ways are far beyond anything I can understand.  Then to top it all off, I found this poem from a book Max Lucado wrote called A Love Worth Giving.

You have a ticket to heaven no thief can take,

An eternal home no divorce can break.

Every sin of your life has been cast to the sea.

Every mistake you’ve made is nailed to the tree.

You’re blood-bought and heaven-made.

A child of God – forever saved.

So be grateful, joyful – for isn’t it true?

What you don’t have is much less

Than what you do.

He is right.  What I don't have: good health, good health care, money in savings, money to cover our expenses, etc. all of these things that we don't have right now are much less than what we do have.  I am choosing to dwell on the things I am grateful for.  I am choosing to thank God for what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do with all of this stuff we are dealing with.  So, all I want for Christmas is still all the things I mentioned and some that I didn't.  But I am gaining perspective and trusting Him that He is enough.  He IS enough!  Fatigued and battle-worn, I can truly say, "To God be all the glory!"

Merry Christmas,

WP Stacey

Speak the Truth In Love

As you can see I have not written anything for the blog for over 6 weeks. We’ve been a little busy. A lot, actually. Since my last post we took a short family trip to California. It was very much needed and beneficial to get away and do something fun together. We spent a day in San Diego and two days is Disneyland. We just wanted to do something fun together while Morgan could still walk before she had her next leg surgery. It was awesome to go, especially since we hadn’t been in almost five years! Thank You, Lord, for our trip!


Morgan had her second leg surgery two days after we returned from California and it went really well. This leg needed less correction so she only had to have the femur cut through and re-aligned. This made for a much less painful, easy recovery. She got her cast off yesterday and starts physical therapy today. Thank you for all of you prayers for her. We expect her to be walking normally before Christmas!

I have several things to write about. There have been a lot of things going into my hand-written journal and floating around in my head, but I just haven’t had the time and energy to sit and write for the blog. So I think today I’m going to start with something short and simple. I have been taking a class on co-dependency from a Christian perspective. Wow! Very eye-opening. There is so much I could share about that, but I’m just going to share this little piece. At the end of the last chapter we had scripture to look up regarding what the Word says about living in healthy relationships and one of the verses was Ephesians 4:25.

Therefore each of you

must put off falsehood

and speak truthfully

to his neighbor,

for we are all members

of one body.

Ephesians 4:25

This verse reminded me of my original Warrior Princess Sisters and the reason I started this blog. I have been able to grow and become healthier (spiritually and emotionally) because I have friends who do speak the truth to me. What a blessing! We don’t look for things to “hold one another accountable” for, but we are able to speak the truth when we need to. We are not trying to “fix” each other, we are simply able to ask questions and share truth from God’s Word to help one another. My prayer for this blog is that as we share and read each other’s stories, real life happenings, struggles, and victories we will be speaking the truth and putting off falsehood.

We do need to remember the first part of the verse says that we “must put off falsehood.” We want to be good friends, nice people, so sometimes we don’t say anything because we are afraid it might hurt (the other person or us if we are rejected). But if our motive is to expose the truth and not “fix” our friends, if we check our motives and find that we are not trying to be controlling, but are genuinely concerned for others, we can expose the lies and speak the truth. In fact we are told that we must do that. It is actually a sign of wellness, maturity, and becoming more like Christ.

Then we will no longer be like children, forever changing our minds about what we believe because someone has told us something different or because someone has cleverly lied to us and made the lie sound like the truth. Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:14-15

I was struggling with something last week and thought I knew the truth, but wanted to be sure that the view I had of myself was accurate and not just what I wanted to think about myself. Because I can be very self-condemning I needed the perspective of a friend I could trust to tell me the truth about what she sees in my life. I was open to both possibilities, that I have made huge progress in this area or that I have only made some effort and have deceived myself into complacency. It was so encouraging to hear two friends speak the truth to me so that I could move forward in truth! They didn’t just tell me what I wanted to hear, they spoke truth and then each one prayed for me.

Do you have a friend like that? Are you a friend like that? Sometimes we have to be that kind of friend before we can have that kind of friend. Just remember that we are to speak the truth IN LOVE. Whether or not our friend chooses to hear is in God’s hands and between her and God. Keep loving and speaking truth, looking to God to do the work in you and in your friend. And instead of being hurt when a friend risks speaking the truth to you, thank her for caring enough to take the risk to speak honestly with you. Then ask the Lord what He would have you to do with that information and always make sure that it is in line with His Word.

And over all these virtues

put on love,

which binds them all

together in

perfect unity.

Colossians 3:14

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

p.s.  Pastor Logan spoke on this two weeks ago.  Here is the link to listen to the podcast http://www.ccctucson.org/listen.asp the sermon title is Right Relationships in the Body of Christ (Mann).  I highly recommend listening to it, even if you've already heard it.  I look forward to hearing from you regarding this topic and anything else that the Lord puts on your heart to share.

Walking in the Dark

“Faith grows only in the dark. You’ve got to trust where you can’t trace Him. That’s faith. You just take Him at His Word, believe Him, and grip the nail-scarred hand a little tighter. And faith grows.” Lyell Rader


I ran across this quote today and it made me think of a verse that God showed me about five years ago.

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of His servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from My hand: You will lie down in torment.   Isaiah 50:10-11

When I came upon these verses I was in the middle of a painful time in my life and I was, again, trying to figure out what to do and how to “fix” it. When He showed me these verses He opened my eyes to how I usually try to come up with a solution to my own problems. You know, I pray and ask Him to tell me what to do, and then I make a plan and start doing something. Do? Really? Why is that our first response to pain or problems?

What about, “Be still and know that I am God,”?  It was profound to me that God says, “Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.”  The truth is, I prayed, but I was fully expecting for MY actions to get me out of the trouble I was in. I was “lighting my own fires” because I so feared being in the dark. Yet here He was saying that if I fear the Lord and trust the Lord, then I’ll rely on Him and NOT myself. And what’s going to happen when I rely on myself?  I end up in torment (usually emotionally beating myself up over the "would've, should've, could've").

When I came across the quote by Lyell Rader that I started with today I knew I needed to write about this. We have been taught some poor theology thinking that we always need to be in the light. I don’t mean we go looking for the darkness, but when we find ourselves in a dark place and we know we are walking with Him, why don’t we just keep holding His hand and walk with Him?  If we are with Him, trusting Him when we can’t see the next step, is that not complete reliance on Him?  Is that not exactly what He wants?  If it takes me being encompassed by the darkness to grip His hand tight and not let go and rely totally on Him instead of me, then that’s a good place to be. It feels a lot more scary walking in the dark, but who do we think we are when we can see what’s around us, what’s coming up, and it’s not scary and we don’t feel the urgency to hold on to Him or to let Him lead the way?

I am so thankful that even in the darkest times, I know He is there and I just hold on and take one blind step at a time. My hand in His.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Victory in a Refrigerator

Well, this has been another busy week around our house and I am again finding myself making this post at least a few days later than I had hoped. The week started off with an unexpected surprise. Monday morning when we were just getting ready to sit down and eat breakfast we noticed a strange, strong odor in the house. It was so strong that it was making us cough, so we opened the windows and ate out on the back patio. When I went back into the house the smell was still very strong even with all of the windows opened and there was a haze in the air. I began looking in earnest for the source. I had already checked the air conditioner, and thankfully, it was not the problem. The smell was always the strongest in the kitchen, so we set to work sniffing everything in the kitchen until we realized that it was coming from the vent at the bottom of the refrigerator. It smelled like electrical wires burning so I pulled it out and unplugged it.


Long story short, the compressor on the refrigerator burned up and was burning some of the wiring. So, instead of doing the schooling I had planned for my daughters that morning we had “home economics” and loaded everything into the spare fridge in the garage and cleaned the burnt one (I was still hoping it was repairable at that point). It was not cost effective to replace the compressor in it, so the next day we went and got to buy a new refrigerator, but it couldn’t be delivered until the following day. The bad part about that is the spare fridge in the garage doesn’t work so well and the freezer doesn’t keep stuff frozen. So, the girls got another home economics lesson and we cooked all of the meat (which, thankfully, wasn’t much).

Why in the world am I writing about such a mundane thing? Well, ladies, because this is victory for me.

#1.  I did not have a fit and get upset when it broke and changed all of my plans for the day on Monday. (Have I ever mentioned how I love to plan and prepare for things to go smoothly? Oh, and maybe I get a bit upset when they don’t go the way I had planned.)

#2.  I didn’t worry and fret all day while waiting for my husband to diagnose the problem. (Have I ever mentioned my amazing ability to obsess on one thing for hours, even days at a time?)

#3.  I didn’t freak out about how we were going to afford to buy a refrigerator after using up our savings this last year that my husband was without a job. (I know that I have now mentioned my well-developed abilities of worry and obsession.)

#4.  I was able to calmly enjoy the detour God had given us for the first three days of this week and not drive my children and husband insane with my worrying and attempts to come up with the solution. Incredibly, I was able to let the Lord show me what He had in mind throughout each part of those few days.


So, for those of you who aren’t type A, control freaks like me and you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal?” Any ONE of the things I listed above is a big deal to me! But that the Lord was free to do what He wanted in me this time is nothing less than miraculous. And I just want to publicly thank Him and give Him all the praise and glory for what He did in me this week!

By the way, He provided every penny for a new refrigerator, and I got a really nice one. In fact, I really like it. Oh, this is one more praise…I have this other talent to feel guilty about things most sane people couldn’t imagine feeling guilt over. Normally I would be feeling guilty for having, liking, and even enjoying my new refrigerator. Actually, I don’t think I could normally really enjoy it because of the guilt (weird, I know, but welcome to my warped little mind). But I don’t feel any guilt over having a new fridge, liking it, and even enjoying that I have a new one! I’m just thankful! That’s so cool and new for me, and it’s even better than having the new refrigerator.

I am sure that Lord has a lot for me to learn in this, and maybe I’ll be finding treasures for a long time through it, but a few verses come to mind right now:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

I am so thankful for how He directed me and made me a good example to my children in this one.

And my life verse, John 15:5

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Woohoo! I didn’t “do” this time, I just remained in Him. I can only be so excited because I have been learning these lessons for a LONG time and it is so good to see Him do all of this in me at one time. Truly He did it. This is not the way I would handle any of it in my own abilities.

As I’m trying to figure out how to wrap this up, I’m wondering if this will make sense to anyone. I’m wondering if I’m the only one who struggles with these kind of silly thoughts, and if you will all think I’m a few bricks short of a full load for thinking this was worth sharing. I guess it doesn’t really matter though because even if you don’t get me and what He did in me, it’s still all for His glory.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Three Pronged Attack

Hello Warrior Princess Sisters,

I have been meaning to get this piece posted for a week and finally have time to do it this morning.  This piece was written by Shyla, my good friend and an orginal member of the Warrior Princesses.  She actually wrote this earlier this summer and I've been waiting for the right time to post it.  It seems like now is the time. 

A verse came to mind as I was re-reading it this morning and I'd like to share that now and then copy her story into this post.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

After you read Shyla's story, you will see why this verse came to mind and how she is choosing to stand firm.  My prayer today is that you will see where the enemy is attacking you, that you will renounce his lies, and stand firm in the freedom of Christ today. 

If you have a victory story to share please email it to me at kishbooks at hotmail dot com (I have to type it out that way to keep spammers from capturing my email, but you know how to type it into your email contacts, right?).  Again, I won't post anything unless I have your permission and I can post your's under a fake name if you like.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey


The Enemy’s 3 Prong Attack…He Came to Destroy Me…. God Came to Give Me Life!


I was not only being assaulted by the infidelity of my husband, the sheer rejection and betrayal of that, but I was also being attacked on two fronts of my own existence that had been deeply seeded in my soul. One was my infertility. The other was my body image.

My husband’s mistress was pregnant with his child, something that I had wanted for 13 years. Despite adopting 5 children and having the privilege of parenting many babies and older children whose own mommy’s couldn’t care for them, I was still devastated with the reality that I could not have a baby. I wasn’t a “real” mom because I couldn’t have a baby. I didn’t realize that it remained an issue for me until this other woman was pregnant with my husband’s baby. I was devastated. I reached up and out to my Daddy and asked, “Why would You allow this? Isn’t it bad enough that they are committing adultery? Why would you honor them with the gift of a child? How can You possibly allow this? Why would you give them a child and not me? How many years did I ask You for a child?” This was one area in my life where the enemy assaulted me the hardest. If there was any area in my whole life that he could attack, this would be the second and most painful. His desire is to sift me like wheat. And believe me, I was being sifted.

The second issue was body image. My husband chose a woman who was more fit than me. She was leaner and more muscular than me. She had a nicer body than me. Part of their escapes were at the gym. The gym was MY domain. Even mine and my husband’s. Why does this matter? My life up to this point had been lived believing that if I was fit enough, looked good enough, performed well enough as an athlete, then I was closer to being “good enough.” My acceptance of myself came through my body image and athletic performance through specific expectations I had placed on myself. To be less than my expectations was to be less than good enough. My husband understood this about me and he too placed pressure on me in subtle but evident ways. So to be rejected for someone who was “more” of all that I tried to be was very devastating for me. This is exactly where the enemy launched his third area of assault. Number three most devastating area the enemy could have assaulted me was right here on my body image.

Abundant life…I would need to recognize and receive His help in abolishing some lies that I had been believing for a very long time. Lies that had resulted in bondage for me. For starters, I had always felt like I was less than other women, that I was missing something because I couldn’t birth a child. I had felt as though I was less of a mother than all the women who can and do birth children. The enemy sold me a lie many years back and I bought it! He told me that I was missing something. He told me that I would never be a real mother because I couldn’t produce my own babies. He told me that I wasn’t good enough to birth a child. He told me that there was something wrong with me. Despite seeing many birth mothers who were incapable of parenting, through my experiences as a foster mom, I continued to buy this lie. With time and healing I realized that this was, in fact, a lie. My ability to be a mother has nothing to do with my ability to create a child in my womb. I still struggle with fully accepting this, but God has placed several mothers in my life that have both birthed and adopted children and they serve as mighty consolation for me that I am NOT missing anything. These precious women remind me that there is no difference in their feelings for or their abilities to care for their adopted and birth children. I do believe them. After coming to terms with the treacherous lie about my infertility and ability to be a good mother because of the inability to produce my own children.

To gain control over the lie that I was less than other women because I could not have a baby, I needed to renounce the agreement I had made with the enemy to believe such a lie about myself and my God. I verbally, out loud, in writing, (whatever form I could do at the time) needed to tell the devil that I break my agreement with him to believe this lie any longer. I had to acknowledge that I had bought the devil’s lie, that I thought wrongly of myself due to his lie, and that I thought sinfully of my God as well. I called him the Liar and Deceiver that he is and broke my agreement with him to believe his lie any longer. After that I invited the Lord right in to cover over this newly broken agreement with His reproving light of truth and asked Him to never allow me to go back to that place of believing this lie. Like any bondage we have subjected ourselves to, I have to revisit God’s Truth in this matter on occasion. It can be easy to fall back into old patterns of thinking. Whenever old, untrue thoughts of my inadequacy try to sneak in, I journal through them and call them what they are, big fat lies.

The same process has had to take place in regards to my false perceptions about my worth and body image. I was assaulted very hard in this place because it was a stronghold that painfully and thoroughly needed to be removed. I am thankful to God that He loved and regarded me so much as to allow such deep, precise pain in my life at that time. It was the kind of pruning that was necessary to get to the root of the issues. Don’t get me wrong, both the infertility and the body image issues have taken years to sort through and I am not complete yet. Far more free, but not complete. The enemy is a snake and he tries every way to usurp my rest and peace in what I know to be true about myself and how my God views me. In great goodness to me, God allowed a triple blow in my life, all at the same time, adultery (betrayal/rejection), infertility, and my body image. All three of these things challenged my worth as a woman. Looking back, in the beginning I was pleading with God to know why He would allow all three of these things to happen at once, in the dynamic of one horrific circumstance. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He did this because He loves me and desired me to be set free. I am so very thankful for Him choosing to burn away my bondage in one massive swoop. He knew what I needed more than I myself would ever know. I am so grateful!

WP Shyla

Our Stories Are His Story

O God, You are my God,

earnestly I seek You;

my soul thirsts for You,

my body longs for You,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

Psalm 63:1

“Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of God within them.” A.W. Tozer

God put a longing for deep relationship with Him inside of me, and He did that for you too. God put in us a longing for real relationship with others. God has given me some friends who are willing to be vulnerable and speak truth about their own struggles and sins, and to share how the Lord is revealing Himself to them in their real life circumstances. This can be scary at times because we must be vulnerable when we open up those dark places we would rather not have exposed. What will this friend think of me if she knows that? Actually, the truth is I would not share those “secret struggles” with friends because I could not even call them what they were to myself. Worse yet, I would not speak them to my God, and that’s just the way the enemy of our souls likes it!

But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts. I John 1:9-10

When I finally found a friend who was willing to speak the truth about herself and her struggles, it freed me to speak the truth about myself too. It helped me to see the power of calling my sins by their true names (you know, like "exaggeration" is a lie, and justifying why it is okay to be angry at my husband is cultivating a root of bitterness, etc.) and to confess them to the ONE who can take them and cleanse me from them. I also learned the power of replacing the sin with the antithesis of it. For example, when I confess having root of bitterness I ask the Lord to replace that with extending grace to my husband in the way that I would want him to extend it to me. But the thing that is the most amazing is that when I am honest about the sin and call it what it really is, it no longer has any power over me!

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

"Eugene Peterson said, 'We live in a narrative, we live in a story. Existence has a story shape to it. We have a beginning and an end, we have a plot, we have characters.' Story is the language of the heart. Our souls speak not in the naked facts of mathematics or the abstract propositions of systemic
theology; they speak in the images and emotions of story."
Chapter 4 “A Story Big Enough To Live In” The Scared Romance –Drawing Closer to the Heart of God by Curtis & Eldridge

This is why God made us to be in relationship with each other, ultimately it points us to relationship with Him. If you understand this, then you realize that your mere existence is a story and it interacts with everyone else’s story in the composition of HIS Story.  If we withhold ourselves from one another, we are withholding HIS story from others, and tragically from ourselves.  If we dare connect with one another, we are releasing ourselves in to the truth and GLORY of HIS Story.  Isn’t that amazing?!! This is the very reason I started this blog.  I am compelled to share His story that He is telling through me and I wanted to give other women a place to share what He is doing in you also.  It is all His, which is why I end every post with the words, Sole Deo Gloria – “To God Alone Be the Glory.”

What do you have to share with someone else? A kind word, a smile, a skill, a helping hand, a prayer, yourself?  Or would He even have you type out part of your story to post here and encourage others? Scary, I know, but so worth  being obedient!  (and I can even publish you under a fake name)

The next question is, “What keeps us from being vulnerable and sharing the story He is writing in our own life?”  Is it pride? Fear? Pain? The messiness of relating to other imperfect, hurting people? Am I content to stagnate where I am? Am I agreeing w/the enemy about something about myself or the people God has in my life? Remember there is a VILLAIN in this story and these are some of his most effective tools. So here’s some truth to battle those lies:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
II Corinthians 1:3-4



Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when she is nothing, she deceives herself. Each one should test her own actions.
Galatians 6:2-4



Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15

Remember, the enemy wants to keep us from living in freedom and being effective. We don’t always have to have a word of advice. We don’t always have to DO something.  Just be AVAILABLE!

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be OVERJOYED when HIS GLORY IS REVEALED. I Peter 4:12-13

Playing It Safe

"No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first."  Oswald Chambers

But I trust in Your unfailing love,

my heart rejoices in Your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord,

for he has been good to me.

Psalm 13:5-6

So, do I trust in the Lord?  Really trust Him?  If you've read much of my blog, you know that I wrestle with Him, questioning whether or not what He is doing is really good or loving.  I was recently reminded of this clip by Francis Chan about living life my own safe, painless way. 



When I'm in the middle of a difficult time I think I want God to stop the pain, make things right, and I second guess every decision I've made and what I could've/should've done to have avoided it.  But that's not how to live in a real relationship with a real God.  Even though I throw my fits about the yucky stuff, the truth is,  I don't want to settle for a medicore, "safe" life.  I want a real, growing, thriving relationship with my Lord, no matter what it costs.

So, how about you?  What are you holding on to today?  What are you depending on instead of trusting in His unfailing love?  I hope your answer is, "Nothing but Him."

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

New Look and New Post

Yes, this is the Warrior Princess Sisters blog with a new look.  What do you think of it?  I'm trying something new, but am open to critique.  It's just a basic template, but a different one than I was previously using.  If any of you have experience and would be willing to tutor or help me in customizing it a bit more I'll buy you coffee or cook for you in exchange for the guidance:)  Any way, it's good to be back on here again.

First, let me thank you all for your prayers for Morgan and Kraig and give you an update on those life circumstances. Morgan is progressing quite well through her physical therapy. She gave up crutches completely about two weeks ago and has gone from hobbling around to limping these days. We are grateful that the limp is not caused by pain. She is limping because she is still strengthening and building muscles in her leg and she is finding it a bit difficult to make her “new” leg that is now correctly structured, flow in step with her other leg that is still painful and incorrectly structured. She just realized all of these things this weekend, so we’ll be talking to the physical therapist at her next appointment and her surgeon when we see him this week.

Regarding my husband’s job…Well, we are very thankful that he has a job! This is the job at a cabinet shop on the other side of town and he is very gifted in the things he is doing there. It is a praise that he feels good to be using the experience, gifts, and talents that the Lord has given him. When I last posted I told you that he had applied and interviewed for a good job with health benefits (which we really need and his current employer does not offer). He did not get that job and it was pretty disappointing for both of us that he did not. It seemed like a perfect fit. He is very capable and a hard worker, so it was a blow to him that they did not offer him the position. I was very disappointed in God for “not coming through for us” and just didn’t have anything in me to share for about the first ten days after receiving this news. I felt like I had nothing to write but complaint and that I did not need to put that on you, my readers and Warrior Princess Sisters. I was not looking for consolation from anyone but God Himself and felt the need to press in to Him and be still for a while.

God began to show me some things as I sat in my disappointment. The first thing He showed me was that I did need to just be still. Still is not an easy thing to be, at least not for me. The following scripture comes to mind as I reflect on my days of sitting still:

This is what the Sovereign Lord,

the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust

is your strength,

but you would have none of it.

Isaiah 30:15

I had underlined and meditated on this passage through other struggles over the past few years, but definitely needed to be reminded of it. I often feel like I am in undesirable circumstances because I have not worked hard enough or been seeking the Lord enough or some other lie of the enemy. This verse helps me have perspective because He is reprimanding His people for trying to make their own way instead of just trusting and resting in Him. So, this is where the Lord has had me, and it’s a good place to be.

One thing He showed me is this job is right where the Lord wants my husband to be. His new boss is excellent at the work he does yet is not high-strung or over-bearing, which is so different from other places he has worked. My husband is valued and appreciated where he is working. This is such a refreshing thing for him, and I see God’s hand in having him in this type of work environment.

Another thing I’ve recognized is that I keep thinking that we have to have health insurance through a group or employer because of Morgan’s legs and the health issues that I have had. In this time of pressing into Him I’ve had to evaluate if I am willing to depend on Him for taking care of our health and whatever expenses it would involve, or do I feel like I have to have an insurance plan to feel secure. I choose to believe that God is who He says He is and that He will take care of us and provide for us. So, I’m giving up worrying about health insurance. I’m relinquishing my disappointment for my husband not getting the job I think he should have, the health benefits I would like, and the idea that I will be secure if He gives me these things. My hope, my trust, is in Him alone.

I have been busier than usual with appointments to the physical therapist twice a week and other doctor appointments, plus we started school again. I’m feeling like I have our schedule at a more manageable place so that I can post a couple of times a week again. I am still very interested in hearing from you through the comments or if you have a story, verse, or something to share with the readers of this blog.  Thanks for reading this today, and welcome back!

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Morgan Got Her Cast Off & A Job for My Husband

I apologize for not posting anything on the blog for a whole week (not that any of you are waiting daily), but I know that many of you have been checking here for updates on Morgan and Kraig’s employment status. Well, I have good news to share on both accounts. Kraig started working for a cabinet shop this week and it is so good to know that we will have a paycheck coming! I would ask you to continue to pray for Kraig’s job situation though. This cabinet shop does not offer any health benefits. The other good news is that Wednesday morning he had an interview with another company and he did so well that they had him go in today for a 2 hour assessment. This test is to determine how he does with this type of work (it is not construction, yea!). Please do pray! We are very hopeful about this job opportunity as we have been told that they are a good company to work for and they have really good health care plan. They are supposed to contact us on Monday and let us know if he will continue in the process to be hired or not for this job.

Morgan got her cast off yesterday! They did an x-ray to see how her bone is growing and it is doing so much better than he expected that he decided not to put another cast on her lower leg. They just gave her a brace for her knee and one for her ankle. This is a huge praise! Thank You, LORD! And thank you to everyone who has been praying for her. She goes to her first physical therapy session on Monday. They say 6-8 weeks of physical therapy.

We are in a good place right now emotionally and spiritually, but very much seeking God and His heart and desire for us. A friend had suggested the following devotion from My Utmost for His Highest a few weeks ago. I have read it several times and find it sinking in deeper than the obvious point he is making. I will say that his last point, "Don't calculate with the rainy day in view" is probably the one that trips me up the most since I tend to be a planner.  This devotion has helped me to stop going to all of the "what if" scenarios that I can think up regarding not getting health benefits, getting a job that my husband would enjoy more, or give him more time with the family, etc.  I can jump to 100 "what if's" in minutes and then I start trying to plan according to those instead of leaning on my Father.  I find myself reconsidering my desire to plan ahead for every possiblilty (it sounds ridiculous as I type this, since we can't possibly think of or avoid every possiblilty).  The following piece by Oswald Chambers has been a blessing to me at this place we find ourselves. I want to share it with you today and I pray that it is a help to you too.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Don’t Calculate Without God

Psalm 37:5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust Him, and He will help you.

Don’t calculate without God.

God seems to have a delightful way of upsetting the things we have calculated on without taking Him into account. We get into circumstances which were not chosen by God, and suddenly we find we have been calculating without God; He has not entered in as a living factor. The one thing that keeps us from the possibility of worrying is bringing God in as the greatest factor in all our calculations.

In our religion it is customary to put God first, but we are apt to think it is an impertinence to put Him first in the practical issues of our lives. If we imagine we have to put on our Sunday moods before we come near to God, we will never come near Him. We must come as we are.

Don't calculate with the evil in view.

Does God really mean us to take no account of the evil? "Love . . . taketh no account of the evil." Love is not ignorant of the existence of the evil, but it does not take it in as a calculating factor. Apart from God, we do reckon with evil; we calculate with it in view and work all our reasonings from that standpoint.

Don't calculate with the rainy day in view.

You cannot lay up for a rainy day if you are trusting Jesus Christ. Jesus said - "Let not your heart be troubled." God will not keep your heart from being troubled. It is a command - "Let not . . ." Haul yourself up a hundred and one times a day in order to do it, until you get into the habit of putting God first and calculating with Him in view.

The Knot Prayer

Today's post is short and simple, but I hope it causes you to reflect like it did me.  It is a poem that one of our Warrior Princess Sisters, Marcy, sent to me.  Thank you, Marcy! 

The Knots Prayer

Dear God,

please untie the knots

that are in my mind,

my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,

the can nots and the do nots

that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,

may nots, and

might nots that find

a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,

would nots and

should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all, dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind

my heart and my life all of the am nots

that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought

that I am not good enough.

Amen.

Anonymous

What nots are tying you up today?  I think of my daughter when she was very little struggling with a knot in her shoe lace and becoming more and more frustrated because her little fingers just couldn't get the mess untied.  In fact, the more she struggled, the tighter the knots became.  When she finally gave up and let me try, it took me a little longer than it should have to untie the knots because of her tightening the knots with her struggling. 
 
Are you tightening any knots in your life?  You know that your Heavenly Father is waiting for you to let Him take care of those nots for you?
 

Those who live in the shelter

of the Most High

will find rest in the

shadow of the Almighty.

This I declare of the LORD:

He alone is my refuge,

my place of safety;

He is my God,

and I am trusting

Him.

Psalm 91:1-2

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

p.s.  A tiny victory dance!  I learned to post a photo in the blog today.

Beauty For Ashes

Dear Warrior Princess Sister,

Today I am just full of the joy of the LORD!  Having moved past my grief, I have been free to count my blessings and enjoy where the LORD has us right now.  I even did a silly thing yesterday.  No, I mean, really silly totally out of character for me.  Wanna hear what I did? 

We were listening to KLOVE and they said that if you went to Chik-fil-A dressed as a cow you could get a free combo meal.  They said that you could even download a "cow costume" from the Chik-fil-A website.  It sounded so funny to me to go in dressed like a cow, so I asked my 13 year old and her best friend if they wanted to go do it, thinking that they'd think it would be really funny to see me do that.  Well, the best friend thought it was a fun idea, but my duaghter did not.  When she finally agreed to go with us, we cut out the paper cow costumes from the website and taped them to our clothes and glasses (I especially liked the sign that said,  "Eat More Chikin") and went down to Chik-fil-A and put Morgan in her wheelchair and went in looking totally goofy.  So Samiyah and I got free combo meals and I had to pay for Morgan's, but it was fun.  I didn't give Morgan a hard time for not doing the cow thing, so maybe she'll learn to loosen up a little next time, and the three of us did have a fun time.  It was really cute seeing whole families dressed like cows too:)

So now to today's story.  I think I'm calling today's post Beauty for Ashes because the result of sharing my ugly thoughts was a lot of beautiful encouragement from many of you Warrior Princesses.  Thank you, again!  A new Warrior Princess, Patti, gave me permission to share a piece of her life story with you.  I've only just heard her story in the last week and am amazed that she has only been a believer for a few years.  Her words of wisdom seem to have many more years of following Christ behind them.  To give you a very brief background to help make sense of her story, she and her daughter had to move out of their house and into a small apartment last week due to some financial changes in their life.  So, without any more of my ramblings, here's Patti's story...

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

A Word From Warrior Princess Patti

I did read your wonderful and insightful thoughts about “regret.” That has been an amazing part of my life as well in soooo many ways! In my limited studies of scripture and studies with Beth Moore as my “guide,” I have come away feeling as if my messed up choices can be used to help those around me in some way. How God will use these “life experiences” to build His Kingdom is not completely understood yet. Indeed the greatest study I have experienced was the one of Esther. Providence is GIGANTIC! God will use us, but the question is will we allow HIM to use us and go through the fire (Daniel) with HIM or without HIM.


I too find it interesting that regret is linked to lamenting.  I agree it is grief.  I know I have grieved and still struggle with it. At times the enemy has had me regretting divorce, marriage, life, etc.  But I KNOW that the truth is I can allow God to use me in all of this.  I’ll be honest, the other day I found my daughter, Sabrina, crying in her room (again) and asked her what was going on.  She has been simply filled with emotion.  Mind you, I am pretty much exhausted and have lost empathy/patience for my girls on too many occasions; trust me when I say I am disappointed in myself!!  Anyhow, we sat on her bed and I was hugging her and urging her to talk to me about what was going on (I never know if it is emotions from hormone/menstrual stuff, friendship pains or what!). Finally, she says “I miss our house.” She “boo-hooed” for a few minutes and then I lost it. I was so upset I was crying! I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand what she wanted and frankly it seemed rather ridiculous to me. After all, look around us. Please, we are not suffering! Well, we got through all that…I calmed down, tried to listen to her, encouraged her to speak from her heart and realized much later that day that she didn’t have the words to express how or why she felt the way she did. BUT she did say she “regretted” things/choices. Now, I won’t bore you with the 15 year old’s definition of regret, but I can tell you where my heart is in all this.

I am 46 years old, college educated, worked in a field for 18 years, have twin teen daughters, survived a very unhealthy childhood, marriage and divorce and now live in a 2 bedroom apartment. As the girls and I laughed today…our kitchen, while indeed lovely, is in fact a kitchen, office area, and laundry room! Hmmmmmm. My regrets are gone…God has prepared me and will use me. Some of my choices have been close to deadly and indeed down right humiliating.  I am happy that I have allowed God to literally pull my heart out of my chest, dust it off, re-shape it and place it back inside filled with His love (painful indeed).  Life is different now for me and the girls, but I am committed to be a Kingdom Builder in anyway He wants to use me.  I can only assume that this new “location” is a part of the plan. I pray I bring Him honor and that I actually listen to HIM.

I am reminded of Esther once again; she has to make a choice to do the unthinkable in order to save her people …confront King Xerxes to defend her people. She says, “If I perish, I perish.” I love these words….from a woman nonetheless! God used her life, her connections, her knowledge, her heart (all from HIM) and she allowed Him to work through her to save her people! His people! Praise Jesus! May I be a little more like Esther every day!!!

So my prayer for us all…stay clear of regret that drags you down, yet allow yourself to embrace the grief of the loss, the change, the mistake…but then celebrate with God how He will use all of it for His Kingdom!

WP Patti

p.s.  For those WPS readers who are here in Tucson, our church is doing the Esther study Patti talked about starting in September.  I am even more excited to get to do it now that I've read what Patti had to say about it!  And the cool thing is that I had already planned on having Morgan do it with me.  So if there are any other mother daughters, or friends out there who want to join us, come on out!  I'll be leading one of the small groups on Wednesday nights (it is also being offered on Tuesday mornings). 

Regret, Repentance, & Restoration

Dear Warrior Princess Sisters,

Thank you all for your prayers and for the words of encouragement that so many of you shared in response to my last post. I was really moved by the stories some of you shared with me. How blessed I am to be given such treasures from your lives! I have requested that a few of you give me permission to share some of your stories, but the rest of you will have to wait and see if anyone lets me share their story. (Pray for them to have the courage to share, I know you’ll be blessed!)

Before I get into my follow up on Regrets, I wanted to give you all an update on Morgan. Morgan is doing really well! She has been using just the Tylenol for pain relief since Sunday. Yesterday Morgan only took two Tylenol all day. She said the pain level is low enough that she didn’t need it in the afternoon. The bigger praise is that she said that even the pain she was in last week after the surgery was more bearable pain than the leg pains she was having before her surgery! Isn’t that awesome?

Being confined by the cast is difficult for her at times, but she is handling it well. (Thank you for your prayers regarding the Lord using this to grow her.) We borrowed a wheelchair for her and last night after church she was wheeling around with her friends and having a great time just being more mobile in the chair. Of course, all the other kids wanted to “play” in the chair, but she told them that even though she was having fun in the chair, they didn’t really want to have to use one. So then they all wanted to get a chance to push her, but she prefers moving herself around so she only lets them push her when her arms get tired. It was really fun to watch.

We are still praying for a job with health benefits. My husband got some new leads from the unemployment office and filled out several applications on line yesterday when he got home. He has more to pursue today. He has been doing some consulting for a small cabinet shop and another wants to hire him, but they don’t offer any health benefits. He told them he’d rather do consulting for them as well and continue pursuing a job with health benefits. I think that he might start doing some work for them next week.

Thank you so much for your prayers! I could truly feel them the day I made my last post. I am doing well. Really. I pray that as I type this out that the Lord would enable me to share what He has been showing me. To His glory!

Love,
WP Stacey

Regret, Repentance, and Restoration

“Rarely do we ask in prayer for what we really need. We usually think a solution will suffice, some sort of answer to our problem. We learn from lament that nothing less than the restored Presence of God will ever satisfy our souls.” (Michael Card, A Sacred Sorrow, workbook p. 21)

The restored Presence of God. Yep, that was it! That is it! I learned a valuable lesson through my regret. Instead of telling myself all the things that I “should” be feeling, or all the things God has taught us along the way, or all of the blessings we do have…instead, I just allowed myself to grieve. I just poured my heart out to the LORD about how sad I was over not having stayed in that house and all the memories I miss from there, all the things I liked about it, the stability it could have been, etc. Even as I wrote what I posted on this blog, I was just pouring it out. And you know, as I got that all out it took me to a place of repentance and restored relationship with my Savior.

I don’t think that act of selling that house was sinful, but there was a lot of baggage associated with the why of the move and a lot more baggage built up in not dealing properly with my thoughts and feelings about it. But mostly it was the thinking that a “solution was the answer” to my problems then and my regret now. The truth is that in fully lamenting it brought me to a place where NOTHING but His Presence would suffice, and I repented of seeking anything other than Him and that brought me into His Presence. Right where I needed to be…the very thing for which my heart truly longs.

“The bottom line: We are all born into a world we were not really made to inhabit. We were created for God, made to flourish in the comfort of the Presence of our Father with the warm context of His undeniable (loving-kindness). Now, in this fallen world, we are cut off from them both…We must call out to Him in the language He has provided. We must regain the tearful trail. We must relearn lament.” (A sacred Sorrow, p.20)

I just want to share this with you because it is so powerful! We all know that recounting our blessings is a good thing and that it is good for us to think about the good things He has done. Even remembering the sins and mistakes we have made and how He has redeemed them…redeemed us, these are good things. But what I am learning is that as good as those things are to do, unless I really am honest and lament the very really feelings that I have (cry out, like a child just sobs over a hurt until they can’t cry any more), until then I cannot fully accept the truth of the blessings. At least for me, I can say that, until I was honest about my regret and got it all out, I couldn’t fully accept the truth.

Please, don’t misunderstand what I am saying about lament. Even the other day when I was regretting past choices, I was not overcome. I was not/am not in despair. I am not depressed. I have been before, so I do know that I am not. In fact, even the day I wrote the piece on regret, I was not depressed, but I was grieving. Amazingly, I have been able to move past the sadness more quickly than other things that I have not fully grieved. In fact, after I wrote that piece and prayed I was able to have a really good day. I know that part of the reason was also that many of you were praying for me. So, while our circumstances have not change, the LORD’s Presence has been near and I feel well.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who has these battles of the mind, but I don’t think so now that I have heard back from several of you who have similar battles. In fact, even the scripture that I quoted the other day says that the mind is the battlefield:

We demolish arguments and

every pretension

that sets itself up against the

knowledge of God,

and we take captive every thought

to make it obedient to Christ.

II Corinthians 10:5

Also, I worry that you all might think that I am one of those people who enjoys being sad or thinking the worst, you know a “Debbie Downer.” No, that is not it at all. I am just learning the freedom of grieving and I have been sharing it with you. Actually, I am amazed at the hopefulness that I have been feeling these past months as we have struggled with joblessness, health, and financial issues. I think that right now, I am more truly joyful in my spirit than I have been in years. I fear that as I have let you in on my personal thoughts and struggles, that maybe you think that I am depressed or in despair. I am not. My mind is a battlefield every day, and some days are harder than others, especially days when we get a letter saying that my husband didn’t get the job, etc. But living in this truth is truly freeing, and I feel well in my soul.

Listen to what Michael Card has to say, “But there exists within American Christianity a numb denial of our need for lament. Some theologians go so far as to say these biblical laments no longer apply to us. And so the language of confession sounds stranger and stranger to our ears. It is heard less and less in our churches, and when it is voiced, rarely are our sins genuinely lamented…Our inability or refusal to enter into personal lament betrays the fact that we do not recognize the depth of our sin. We stubbornly refuse to have our hearts broken by it.”

I’m sure I will be on the battlefield every day. I am sure that there will continue to be disappointments, but I am sure that this tool of lament is just one more weapon that the Lord has given me to live in truth. And I assure you that it hurts less to be honest with my feelings and fully grieve them than when I stuff them and try to pretend that I don’t feel disappointed, sad, angry, or whatever the feeling of the moment is.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. 

Galatians 5:1

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles.

The Lord is close to the

brokenhearted

and saves those who are

crushed in spirit.

A righteous man may have many troubles,

but the Lord delivers him from them all;

Psalm 34:17-19

I’ve said a lot today and I pray that it makes sense. I pray that everyone who reads this today will be encouraged. I pray that the Lord will take my feeble attempt to share what He is teaching me and that it will be a help to you. I am so thankful for even the two ladies who wrote in their stories of regret to me that just the act of taking the time to write out their stories was helpful to them. I am thankful that because our God is so great, NOTHING will be unredeemed! I am so thankful that He uses the weak and lowly things to bring glory to Himself.
To God Be The Glory!
WP Stacey

What Is Regret?

Regret is a word heavy on my heart today. It is a word that has been coming up often, so I figured I needed to look into and see what the Lord wanted to say to me about it. My first step was to look it up in Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary. I am intentionally going to digress here.

Why the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary? Did you know that Noah Webster was a committed Christian and that he wrote that dictionary as a result of a direct call from God to do so? Today’s dictionaries, even the ones bearing his name, are a very watered down version of the original meanings of the words. If you want a well searched out definition of a word, I highly recommend this dictionary (this dictionary even includes scripture, though it is lacking in modern words relating to technolgical advancements since that time).  It’s a lot more expensive than the paperback ones you can buy everywhere, but it is so worth the investment!  Back to the topic:

So, what was the original meaning of the word?
 
Regret, n.

1. Grief; sorrow; pain of mind. We feel regret at the loss of friends, regret for our own misfortunes, or  for the misfortunes of others. 
2. Pain of conscience; remorse; as a passionate regret at sin. 
3. Dislike; aversion. [Not proper nor in use.]  

Regret, v.t.

          1. To grieve at; to lament; to be sorry for; to repent.

          2. To be uneasy at. [Not proper nor in use.]

So, why am I pondering regret? Well, yesterday we drove by our first house, the one Kraig and I lived in for 11 years. I really liked that house! We had a lot of great memories in that house including bringing both of our babies home there. But the other thing that happened there was that we remodeled that house ourselves, together. It was hard work, but it was fun too. It wasn’t a big house, but it was bigger than the one we currently live in, and it was a place where our gift for hospitality thrived. I miss that freedom and the room to have lots of people over! So, last night I was filled with regret (grief, sorrow, pain of mind) over ever moving out of that house.

I pondered how much better it would have been for my daughters to have had the stability of having grown up in that one house. Instead we are currently living in the fourth house of their young lives. While I am grateful for this house, it is not a house that we are “at home” in. It doesn’t fit our gift of hospitality. It is not an open place to my soul like that first house was. I have regret.

When we came home from the fireworks last night I was quite grieved over this and just had to get out and walk the dog and think. I kept pondering regret. I thought of a line from a movie I once saw. The daughter asked her mother if she ever had any regrets about decisions she had made (because this daughter was very much regretting some of her decisions), and the mother answered, “No, I don’t have regrets because even my mistakes have made me who I am, and I wouldn’t be who I am if I had made different decisions.”

That statement may or may not be true. Is it wise to regret and then use that to help you make wiser decisions from this point forward? Or is it better to be content and just say that even those mistakes are making me what God wants me to be?

I was surprised when I read the verb tense of the word regret - to grieve at; to lament; to be sorry for; to repent. The verb form of regret goes right along with what I am learning about sorrow and lamenting. I feel like that is what I am doing and maybe this line from the movie that has been playing in my head for the past few years has no truth in it. You see, I have felt like there is something wrong with me that I do regret that decision (and others like it), and that I’m pretty sure that God could’ve taught me what he wanted to even if I hadn’t made those poor choices. I think of stories in the Bible of lives that would’ve been different if only they had made a different choice. I think about how some of them used that as a lesson to spur them on to seek the Lord before moving forward in their new circumstances.

I realize that I am fighting to demolish a stronghold of the enemy here. I am praying for wisdom as to how He, my Savior, wants me to see this and set me free from this trap.

For though we live in the world,
we do not wage war as the world does.

The weapons we fight with are
not the weapons of the world.

On the contrary, they have divine power
to demolish strongholds.

We demolish arguments
and every pretension

that sets itself up against
the knowledge of God,

and we take captive
every thought to make it
obedient to Christ.

II Corinthians 10:3-5

 I am asking you, my Warrior Princess sisters, if you have struggled with this or if you have any insight to give me? I would so appreciate your prayers regarding the LORD revealing what He wants me to know about this. The good news is that I have hope! Just knowing that regret is grief and lamenting, maybe that’s all I need to know and just allow myself to grieve the loss.

So, if you have any scripture or a personal story that might help me have some insight into this, please post it as a comment or email me. I would so love to hear the wisdom that God has imparted to you on this matter.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

My Dependent Independence Day Weekend

Happy Independence Day weekend! It is most ironic that I am proclaiming my dependence on Christ on Independence weekend. I’m just going to laugh at this for a moment, and it’s okay if you don’t find it a funny as I do:)

As I get going here, let me give you an update. Morgan is doing well, but has realized that even a small amount of activity has a price to be paid in increased pain. Please, don’t feel sorry for her, this is a good thing. Instead I would ask you to pray that God would use this to grow her. Don’t you wish that you could’ve learned and embraced those kinds of lessons when you were 13 or 14? I sure do.

Pray for me too, regarding this. I want to minister to her and be compassionate, without trying to “make everything alright” because only God can do that. I want her to reach out to Him for those things that her daddy and I cannot do for her. We can give her pain medicine, help make her comfortable, and minister to her, but we cannot make her well, physically, emotionally, or spiritually; only He can. Pray for her to see His sufficiency and for her daddy and me to be His tools in drawing her to Him through this. Our praise is that things are going as expected regarding her healing and we are sooooo thankful that there have been no complications! Truly praise the Lord for that!

I also have another update for you regarding my husband’s quest for employment. We were disappointed on Thursday evening to receive a letter informing him that he did not get the position with the company he interviewed with last week. He had an interview with another company this week and did not get that job either. I will be honest and say that I was/am disappointed, VERY. It has been 11 months since he got laid off. I’ve only been concerned about him not having a job for about 8 months, because I had figured that the Lord would’ve provided something by then. Well, God has taken me FAR beyond my time table comfort zone. I have vacillated between trust and despondency through this time, but HE compels me to return quickly to trust (truly it is HIM doing this in me).

I hope it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable or sorry for me that I am struggling; I am learning to not be ashamed for having these very human feelings. I am currently doing a study on sorrow. Yeh, I know it sounds so uplifting, but the truth is…it is. The book and study guide are written by the musician, Michael Card. The book is called A Sacred Sorrow. I bought it more than 3 years ago, but couldn’t muster up the courage to start reading it until a few weeks ago. Basically, the book is showing us how God uses sorrow, which the book calls lament, to draw us closer to Him. Ouch! Not what we want to hear is it? He points out that the Bible is full of laments and the book will be exploring the sorrow and lamenting of Job, David, Jeremiah and Jesus. I’ve just finished the introductory sections, the first four chapters. I couldn’t even begin to summarize it sufficiently, but let me see if I can give you a piece of it to help you understand what God is doing in me. Hopefully, it will encourage you and bless you where God has you right now.

The author, Michael Card, points out how we have been “shushed” in our crying and sorrow from the time we were babies. We don’t really even give ourselves permission to “cry it out”, but instead feel like we are stronger emotionally, morally, physically, and even spiritually if we can just get our emotions under control and stuff them. I mean, we do let ourselves cry a little. We allow people to grieve for a short while, but we expect ourselves and others to pull it together and get on with life. Where is the scriptural basis for that?

The truth is the scriptures are full of lamenting. I’m going to quote the book here from chapter 2 a section called A Harmful Silence (p.20). “Contained somewhere in the heart of these demands to ‘be quiet,’ beneath the sincere attempts at comforting, lay a level of shame and the inescapable message that we should not cry out, we should not behave in such ways; that wanting the comfort of presence and the assurance of (His loving kindness) were really somehow selfish. At that frustrating moment we entered into the very human, fallen aspect of denial, which is the polar opposite of lament.”

I hope I can adequately convey that the bottom line is that the enemy has convinced us that to keep quiet and deny our true feelings of sorrow so that he can get us to live in the false state of denial. You know we’ve all been told that we just need to accept our circumstances or have faith that God will change things or at least use them for good. While those things are true, they often gloss over the pain associated with loss (whatever the loss may be). But God doesn’t ask us to live in denial. And what about Hebrews 11:39 “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.” Do we honestly think that as we read the whole chapter of Hebrews 11 that these people didn’t ever wonder if they were really loved by God when they were being persecuted and the very thing they were told to do did not bring about the results they desired? Do we think that they always felt God’s Presence? Read Job and the Psalms and you will know differently. They did dare to ask, “God where are YOU?” That’s honesty.

He wants a real relationship with us which requires us to be real about our feelings. “If you listen closely enough to the laments of Scripture you will always hear an echo, like the sound of a voice bounding from the wall of a vast empty cathedral. That echo is caused by the emptiness that only comes from a perceived absence of God’s Presence…What torments Job most is not his losses, not even the physical pain he experiences, but the fact that God’s Presence seems to be absent. In the end Job’s troubles are solved NOT by getting back his possessions, nor the children he lost. In the end, Job gets God back.” (A Sacred Sorrow workbook p. 20)

fill me with joy in your presence

Psalm 16:11

Do not cast me from Your presence

Psalm 51:11

Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?

Psalm 10:1

God has forgotten;

He covers His face and never sees

Psalm 10:11

Why, O LORD, do

You reject me and

hide Your face from me?

Psalm 88:14

Jesus lamented, “Why have You forsaken Me?”

“In one way or another it is the theme of all lament. It is the confused cry of all who struggle to live in a fallen world where God’s perceived absence is the real heart of our battle. It is the opposite of the retreat of denial. Lament is the battle cry! … We learn from lament that nothing less than the restored Presence of God will ever satisfy our souls.” (wkbk. p. 20)

Well, maybe I’ve made this too long. Maybe I haven’t been able to let you see how it is that my LORD is sustaining me and drawing me to Him in the midst of my trouble and sorrow. I pray that you will understand. I pray that we will all have the courage to enter into lament with Him, to enter into real worship, to enter in deep relationship with HIM. So, maybe this has the preamble to my declaration.

And now my Declaration of Dependence:

I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
exalted for You or brought low for You.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You art mine, and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.

I was introduce to this prayer at Betty Heath’s memorial service a few weeks ago and it seemed to put into words the way that God has been compelling me to live over the past 15 years that He has been pursuing me hard. I cannot do anything without Him and so I declare that I am not my own and that I live in complete and utter dependence on Him. I cannot change our circumstances, but I can trust the One who can. And even if He doesn’t (as He has chosen not to in many situations, not just this current jobless present we live in), I choose to trust Him, I choose to believe, and I pray that He will be glorified in even this broken, lamenting (but not despairing) me.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Update on Morgan & THE Reason to Celebrate

Sorry, that I haven't updated since Saturday. I was posting quickies on Facebook, so I thought I was covering most people who read this blog, but I have received some emails asking how Morgan is doing, so I thought I'd better post her progress.

She is doing great! She came home Saturday evening. We did not expect her to come home until Sunday evening. She was battling nausea, but we were able to get that and the pain under control with meds. Yesterday afternoon we stopped giving her vicodin, so she is just taking Tylenol for pain now. She must be healing because she took a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon and then slept 12 hours last night (waking only for medication). We are continuing to pray for good and proper healing. She has an appointment to see the surgeon and remove this cast on July 22. Thank you you all so much for you continued prayers!

Now for THE Reason to Celebrate

Some friends sent me this video from youtube. I love it! It makes me think of how we will all celebrate for all eternity what Jesus has done for us. Really and truly there is nothing more important than what He accomplished through His death and Resurrection! That is THE reason to celebrate! I hope you enjoy the video, and I'm looking forward to hearing more of your stories. I have one from another Warrior Princess that I'll be posting as soon as I can get to it.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Update & A Powerful Word From WP Shyla

Good Morning!  Oh, yes, it's a good morning!  First, last night a really slept well and woke up feeling rested after having interrupted or fitful sleep for a few days.  Rest is so good!  Secondly, I talked to my husband this morning and he said that Morgan had a great night.  Her surgeon has already been in to see her this morning and is taking her off the morphine and sending a physical therapist to come work with her and show her how to use the crutches.  Also, the swelling in her leg is so minimal that he was able to re-close the cast (he had sawed it open yesterday just in case she had a lot of swelling).  AND the best news is that she may even be able to come home today!  I promise to post tomorrow morning if she does.

Now to today's post.  My dear friend and original member of the Warrior Princesses, Shyla, sent me a Glory Story to post a few days ago.  I finally had time to read and edit it and it is so good that I cannot wait another day to get it on here for the rest of you to read.  What a wonderful story! 

One more thing...I had posted a link to this blog on Facebook to let people know how Morgan is and so a few of you who have never visited here came for a visit.  At least one person liked what she read and wondered if this blog was for anyone.  YES!  It is for anyone who is interested!  Please, pass it on to anyone you think would be encouraged by the stories posted here and PLEASE, share your stories as the Lord leads you.  I started and moderate this blog, but it is not my blog, it belongs to our Father.  All of the stories written and posted here are really HIS stories told through our lives.  So, you are always welcomed to share the blog with anyone, and we would love to hear what He has done in you.  It is all For His Glory (Sole Deo Gloria).

Thank you again for your prayers for Morgan.  Please, do continue to pray for healing for her bones and incisions.  And now, I pray that you are blessed by Shyla's story.

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey

Shyla's Story

I Gave You My Baby, You Give Him His

As far as experience has taught me, I am an infertile woman. I had two pregnancies, two miscarriages both in the first two years of my marriage and then never got pregnant again during the remaining 11 years of my marriage. God blessed me with my first daughter almost exactly two years after my second miscarriage. God provided this daughter through an amazing woman named Donna. Donna was a sweet, godly presence of a woman. She chose to meet my husband and me from a book of available adoptive couples provided to her by the Christian adoptive agency we were licensed through. We ended up meeting Donna face to face for an “interview” and shortly thereafter she chose us to parent the baby girl that was growing in her womb and was nearly ready to be born. We only had 3 weeks to get prepared. Over those 3 weeks we continued to talk with Donna on the phone and get to know her. She had invited us into the delivery room and especially wanted me to be right by her side when our baby was born. She wanted me close and ready to see, hold, and love my daughter immediately after she was delivered.

On Nov. 15th in the late evening, Donna called to tell us that she was in labor and was heading to the hospital. We were about 1½ hours away, so we packed our bags for a couple day stay and hit the road. When we arrived at the hospital we were invited into the room. We labored with her, we endured the easy stuff, she endured the torturous stuff. Donna labored thru the night. Around 7:00 in the morning Donna was fully dilated and began to push. After 2 hours of pushing the doctor began to threaten to do a cesarean section and out of pure determination Donna started making slow but steady progress. After a total of 3 hours of pushing and a vacuum, our baby was born. She had some brief complications immediately after her birth so we didn’t get to hold her right away. After a short stint in the NICU, my husband and I were able to hold her and love on her and feed her. Due to a few reasons, Donna would need to stay in the hospital for 72 hours.

We spent this time hanging around the hospital, getting to meet Donna’s friends, co-workers and church friends. Amazingly and miraculously, Donna was warm and hospitable, welcoming to us parenting her daughter. She considered us and our daughter always before her and her baby. With the grace and power that ONLY an Oak of Righteousness could display, she invited us to parent her baby right in front of her. On the evening that Donna was released from the hospital she held a dedication service for all of us. She prepared and led the service herself at the church she had been attending during the short time she had been living in this city. With God’s blessing, she officially surrendered her precious baby into our arms. By God’s grace, this was just the beginning of something that just keeps getting more beautiful.

Our first baby was born in 1997. What would this have to do with the event of 2007? In 2007 I wake up in a nightmare where my husband has been having an affair with one particular woman for over 2 years. He has gotten this woman pregnant. My husband and I are in pain, in crisis, trying to figure out how and whether or not to pursue restoration of our marriage. The big unknown factor is this baby…. How do I overcome the baby?? How does he maintain a relationship with this child if he stays in the marriage? The questions are big and the answers are unknown.

I had told my husband shortly after I found out about the baby that I felt he should do as Abraham did and send the child away, along with his mistress. Hagar and Ishmael. WE are his covenant family and they are secondary to us! Send her and the baby away! At a time when you have no idea which end of life is up, you ponder, scramble, thrash around, trying to figure out what the rest of your life could possibly look like. You consider all sorts of things that you never would have considered when life was easy and intact. One day in March of 2007, I received a phone call from Donna, my daughter’s birth mom. She was fully aware of the crisis we were in and was supportive and prayerful for all of us. With great trepidation, she told me she had a message for me. She reiterated over and over again, that she didn’t want to deliver the message but was doing it out of obedience to God. I assured her that I was a woman who lived able and ready to hear any message and that I would not lash out at her. Me and my God walk pretty close, I know His voice when I hear it. I will know if it’s from Him this time too.

“GIVE HIM THE BABY.”

Love this baby. Faith. Embrace this baby. Faith. Allow your children to love and embrace this child. Keep a baby book for him. Welcome him. “Do you remember the history of Ishmael and Isaac?” she asked me. “Look at the mess it has made. What would happen if you embraced and loved this child instead of sending him away?” (By the way, she didn’t even know that I wanted him sent away.)

And then there was silence on her end…. I imagine she was waiting for the backlash. I told her I had to get off the phone and call my husband,…to give him his baby. She was shocked that I was willing to act so quickly… I confided in her that God had been telling me and preparing me for 2 weeks to do this very thing.

I hung up the phone and called my husband. I told him I wanted him to love his son. I told him that I would include him in our family. I told him that I was committed to loving his son too.

In my arrogance, I expected my husband to give up his son for the sake of me and my children. In God’s gentle goodness to me, He humbled me by providing the VERY woman who gave me her baby to tell me to give him his baby. Donna surrendered herself in the biggest form humanly possible to give me her precious baby. How could I NOT surrender this?

What I have learned about surrender is that there are no regrets when you give it all away. With surrender there is exhilarating joy. A kind of freaked-out-joy, like that of riding a wild roller coaster on which you think you are going to die! So out of control, but so absolutely right where you are supposed to be! Surrender feels like death but what it produces is life. The enemy wants to deceive us into believing it’s going to kill us. No matter what it is. God whispers, “Trust me Daughter. I am going to honor you in whatever you surrender for or because of Me. I will return LIFE to you for your courage.”

Warrior Princess Shyla



　

News on Morgan's Surgery Today

Thank you for your prayers for Morgan today. Her surgery went really well. It took the full 3 ½ hours but there were no complications. Thank You, God!  She woke easily from the anesthesia and was chattering away with the nurses when we finally got to see her. She did great at first. They hooked her up to the morphine pump and she was using it but then the pain started increasing. It got to be so bad that she was in tears and my husband called the nurse and the hospital pediatrician came in to see her. The pediatrician read the surgeon’s notes and realized that while the nurse had administered the morphine, she had not given Morgan the other pain killer he prescribed nor the anti-inflammatory. Once they got those in her the pain reduced but then she got nauseous so they had to give her something for that too. My husband is staying at the hospital with her tonight and we are hopeful that once everything is in her system properly that the pain and nausea will subside and that she will be able to work with the physical therapist tomorrow and begin to use the crutches.

I am so thankful for how well the surgery went and that in spite of the glitch with her pain meds that things will go well tonight and tomorrow. I totally had a peace about everything this morning even though I had an upset stomach and a few other signs of stress. It occurred to me that even though I can’t control how my body responds to the stress, I could control my thoughts and keep going to my Father in prayer. Even though it was stressful, I feel like the Lord had the victory in me today. Thank Father for Your victory and for all of your people who held us up in prayer today!

Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey