I apologize for not posting anything on the blog for a whole week (not that any of you are waiting daily), but I know that many of you have been checking here for updates on Morgan and Kraig’s employment status. Well, I have good news to share on both accounts. Kraig started working for a cabinet shop this week and it is so good to know that we will have a paycheck coming! I would ask you to continue to pray for Kraig’s job situation though. This cabinet shop does not offer any health benefits. The other good news is that Wednesday morning he had an interview with another company and he did so well that they had him go in today for a 2 hour assessment. This test is to determine how he does with this type of work (it is not construction, yea!). Please do pray! We are very hopeful about this job opportunity as we have been told that they are a good company to work for and they have really good health care plan. They are supposed to contact us on Monday and let us know if he will continue in the process to be hired or not for this job.
Morgan got her cast off yesterday! They did an x-ray to see how her bone is growing and it is doing so much better than he expected that he decided not to put another cast on her lower leg. They just gave her a brace for her knee and one for her ankle. This is a huge praise! Thank You, LORD! And thank you to everyone who has been praying for her. She goes to her first physical therapy session on Monday. They say 6-8 weeks of physical therapy.
We are in a good place right now emotionally and spiritually, but very much seeking God and His heart and desire for us. A friend had suggested the following devotion from My Utmost for His Highest a few weeks ago. I have read it several times and find it sinking in deeper than the obvious point he is making. I will say that his last point, "Don't calculate with the rainy day in view" is probably the one that trips me up the most since I tend to be a planner. This devotion has helped me to stop going to all of the "what if" scenarios that I can think up regarding not getting health benefits, getting a job that my husband would enjoy more, or give him more time with the family, etc. I can jump to 100 "what if's" in minutes and then I start trying to plan according to those instead of leaning on my Father. I find myself reconsidering my desire to plan ahead for every possiblilty (it sounds ridiculous as I type this, since we can't possibly think of or avoid every possiblilty). The following piece by Oswald Chambers has been a blessing to me at this place we find ourselves. I want to share it with you today and I pray that it is a help to you too.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Don’t Calculate Without God
Psalm 37:5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust Him, and He will help you.
Don’t calculate without God.
God seems to have a delightful way of upsetting the things we have calculated on without taking Him into account. We get into circumstances which were not chosen by God, and suddenly we find we have been calculating without God; He has not entered in as a living factor. The one thing that keeps us from the possibility of worrying is bringing God in as the greatest factor in all our calculations.
In our religion it is customary to put God first, but we are apt to think it is an impertinence to put Him first in the practical issues of our lives. If we imagine we have to put on our Sunday moods before we come near to God, we will never come near Him. We must come as we are.
Don't calculate with the evil in view.
Does God really mean us to take no account of the evil? "Love . . . taketh no account of the evil." Love is not ignorant of the existence of the evil, but it does not take it in as a calculating factor. Apart from God, we do reckon with evil; we calculate with it in view and work all our reasonings from that standpoint.
Don't calculate with the rainy day in view.
You cannot lay up for a rainy day if you are trusting Jesus Christ. Jesus said - "Let not your heart be troubled." God will not keep your heart from being troubled. It is a command - "Let not . . ." Haul yourself up a hundred and one times a day in order to do it, until you get into the habit of putting God first and calculating with Him in view.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Knot Prayer
Today's post is short and simple, but I hope it causes you to reflect like it did me. It is a poem that one of our Warrior Princess Sisters, Marcy, sent to me. Thank you, Marcy!
What nots are tying you up today? I think of my daughter when she was very little struggling with a knot in her shoe lace and becoming more and more frustrated because her little fingers just couldn't get the mess untied. In fact, the more she struggled, the tighter the knots became. When she finally gave up and let me try, it took me a little longer than it should have to untie the knots because of her tightening the knots with her struggling.
Are you tightening any knots in your life? You know that your Heavenly Father is waiting for you to let Him take care of those nots for you?
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. A tiny victory dance! I learned to post a photo in the blog today.
The Knots Prayer
Dear God,
please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots,
may nots, and
might nots that find
a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind
I ask that you remove from my mind
my heart and my life all of the am nots
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.
Amen.
Anonymous
Are you tightening any knots in your life? You know that your Heavenly Father is waiting for you to let Him take care of those nots for you?
Those who live in the shelter
of the Most High
will find rest in the
shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare of the LORD:
He alone is my refuge,
my place of safety;
He is my God,
and I am trusting
Him.
Psalm 91:1-2
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. A tiny victory dance! I learned to post a photo in the blog today.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Beauty For Ashes
Dear Warrior Princess Sister,
Today I am just full of the joy of the LORD! Having moved past my grief, I have been free to count my blessings and enjoy where the LORD has us right now. I even did a silly thing yesterday. No, I mean, really silly totally out of character for me. Wanna hear what I did?
We were listening to KLOVE and they said that if you went to Chik-fil-A dressed as a cow you could get a free combo meal. They said that you could even download a "cow costume" from the Chik-fil-A website. It sounded so funny to me to go in dressed like a cow, so I asked my 13 year old and her best friend if they wanted to go do it, thinking that they'd think it would be really funny to see me do that. Well, the best friend thought it was a fun idea, but my duaghter did not. When she finally agreed to go with us, we cut out the paper cow costumes from the website and taped them to our clothes and glasses (I especially liked the sign that said, "Eat More Chikin") and went down to Chik-fil-A and put Morgan in her wheelchair and went in looking totally goofy. So Samiyah and I got free combo meals and I had to pay for Morgan's, but it was fun. I didn't give Morgan a hard time for not doing the cow thing, so maybe she'll learn to loosen up a little next time, and the three of us did have a fun time. It was really cute seeing whole families dressed like cows too:)
So now to today's story. I think I'm calling today's post Beauty for Ashes because the result of sharing my ugly thoughts was a lot of beautiful encouragement from many of you Warrior Princesses. Thank you, again! A new Warrior Princess, Patti, gave me permission to share a piece of her life story with you. I've only just heard her story in the last week and am amazed that she has only been a believer for a few years. Her words of wisdom seem to have many more years of following Christ behind them. To give you a very brief background to help make sense of her story, she and her daughter had to move out of their house and into a small apartment last week due to some financial changes in their life. So, without any more of my ramblings, here's Patti's story...
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
A Word From Warrior Princess Patti
I did read your wonderful and insightful thoughts about “regret.” That has been an amazing part of my life as well in soooo many ways! In my limited studies of scripture and studies with Beth Moore as my “guide,” I have come away feeling as if my messed up choices can be used to help those around me in some way. How God will use these “life experiences” to build His Kingdom is not completely understood yet. Indeed the greatest study I have experienced was the one of Esther. Providence is GIGANTIC! God will use us, but the question is will we allow HIM to use us and go through the fire (Daniel) with HIM or without HIM.
I too find it interesting that regret is linked to lamenting. I agree it is grief. I know I have grieved and still struggle with it. At times the enemy has had me regretting divorce, marriage, life, etc. But I KNOW that the truth is I can allow God to use me in all of this. I’ll be honest, the other day I found my daughter, Sabrina, crying in her room (again) and asked her what was going on. She has been simply filled with emotion. Mind you, I am pretty much exhausted and have lost empathy/patience for my girls on too many occasions; trust me when I say I am disappointed in myself!! Anyhow, we sat on her bed and I was hugging her and urging her to talk to me about what was going on (I never know if it is emotions from hormone/menstrual stuff, friendship pains or what!). Finally, she says “I miss our house.” She “boo-hooed” for a few minutes and then I lost it. I was so upset I was crying! I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand what she wanted and frankly it seemed rather ridiculous to me. After all, look around us. Please, we are not suffering! Well, we got through all that…I calmed down, tried to listen to her, encouraged her to speak from her heart and realized much later that day that she didn’t have the words to express how or why she felt the way she did. BUT she did say she “regretted” things/choices. Now, I won’t bore you with the 15 year old’s definition of regret, but I can tell you where my heart is in all this.
I am 46 years old, college educated, worked in a field for 18 years, have twin teen daughters, survived a very unhealthy childhood, marriage and divorce and now live in a 2 bedroom apartment. As the girls and I laughed today…our kitchen, while indeed lovely, is in fact a kitchen, office area, and laundry room! Hmmmmmm. My regrets are gone…God has prepared me and will use me. Some of my choices have been close to deadly and indeed down right humiliating. I am happy that I have allowed God to literally pull my heart out of my chest, dust it off, re-shape it and place it back inside filled with His love (painful indeed). Life is different now for me and the girls, but I am committed to be a Kingdom Builder in anyway He wants to use me. I can only assume that this new “location” is a part of the plan. I pray I bring Him honor and that I actually listen to HIM.
I am reminded of Esther once again; she has to make a choice to do the unthinkable in order to save her people …confront King Xerxes to defend her people. She says, “If I perish, I perish.” I love these words….from a woman nonetheless! God used her life, her connections, her knowledge, her heart (all from HIM) and she allowed Him to work through her to save her people! His people! Praise Jesus! May I be a little more like Esther every day!!!
So my prayer for us all…stay clear of regret that drags you down, yet allow yourself to embrace the grief of the loss, the change, the mistake…but then celebrate with God how He will use all of it for His Kingdom!
WP Patti
p.s. For those WPS readers who are here in Tucson, our church is doing the Esther study Patti talked about starting in September. I am even more excited to get to do it now that I've read what Patti had to say about it! And the cool thing is that I had already planned on having Morgan do it with me. So if there are any other mother daughters, or friends out there who want to join us, come on out! I'll be leading one of the small groups on Wednesday nights (it is also being offered on Tuesday mornings).
Today I am just full of the joy of the LORD! Having moved past my grief, I have been free to count my blessings and enjoy where the LORD has us right now. I even did a silly thing yesterday. No, I mean, really silly totally out of character for me. Wanna hear what I did?
We were listening to KLOVE and they said that if you went to Chik-fil-A dressed as a cow you could get a free combo meal. They said that you could even download a "cow costume" from the Chik-fil-A website. It sounded so funny to me to go in dressed like a cow, so I asked my 13 year old and her best friend if they wanted to go do it, thinking that they'd think it would be really funny to see me do that. Well, the best friend thought it was a fun idea, but my duaghter did not. When she finally agreed to go with us, we cut out the paper cow costumes from the website and taped them to our clothes and glasses (I especially liked the sign that said, "Eat More Chikin") and went down to Chik-fil-A and put Morgan in her wheelchair and went in looking totally goofy. So Samiyah and I got free combo meals and I had to pay for Morgan's, but it was fun. I didn't give Morgan a hard time for not doing the cow thing, so maybe she'll learn to loosen up a little next time, and the three of us did have a fun time. It was really cute seeing whole families dressed like cows too:)
So now to today's story. I think I'm calling today's post Beauty for Ashes because the result of sharing my ugly thoughts was a lot of beautiful encouragement from many of you Warrior Princesses. Thank you, again! A new Warrior Princess, Patti, gave me permission to share a piece of her life story with you. I've only just heard her story in the last week and am amazed that she has only been a believer for a few years. Her words of wisdom seem to have many more years of following Christ behind them. To give you a very brief background to help make sense of her story, she and her daughter had to move out of their house and into a small apartment last week due to some financial changes in their life. So, without any more of my ramblings, here's Patti's story...
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
A Word From Warrior Princess Patti
I did read your wonderful and insightful thoughts about “regret.” That has been an amazing part of my life as well in soooo many ways! In my limited studies of scripture and studies with Beth Moore as my “guide,” I have come away feeling as if my messed up choices can be used to help those around me in some way. How God will use these “life experiences” to build His Kingdom is not completely understood yet. Indeed the greatest study I have experienced was the one of Esther. Providence is GIGANTIC! God will use us, but the question is will we allow HIM to use us and go through the fire (Daniel) with HIM or without HIM.
I too find it interesting that regret is linked to lamenting. I agree it is grief. I know I have grieved and still struggle with it. At times the enemy has had me regretting divorce, marriage, life, etc. But I KNOW that the truth is I can allow God to use me in all of this. I’ll be honest, the other day I found my daughter, Sabrina, crying in her room (again) and asked her what was going on. She has been simply filled with emotion. Mind you, I am pretty much exhausted and have lost empathy/patience for my girls on too many occasions; trust me when I say I am disappointed in myself!! Anyhow, we sat on her bed and I was hugging her and urging her to talk to me about what was going on (I never know if it is emotions from hormone/menstrual stuff, friendship pains or what!). Finally, she says “I miss our house.” She “boo-hooed” for a few minutes and then I lost it. I was so upset I was crying! I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand what she wanted and frankly it seemed rather ridiculous to me. After all, look around us. Please, we are not suffering! Well, we got through all that…I calmed down, tried to listen to her, encouraged her to speak from her heart and realized much later that day that she didn’t have the words to express how or why she felt the way she did. BUT she did say she “regretted” things/choices. Now, I won’t bore you with the 15 year old’s definition of regret, but I can tell you where my heart is in all this.
I am 46 years old, college educated, worked in a field for 18 years, have twin teen daughters, survived a very unhealthy childhood, marriage and divorce and now live in a 2 bedroom apartment. As the girls and I laughed today…our kitchen, while indeed lovely, is in fact a kitchen, office area, and laundry room! Hmmmmmm. My regrets are gone…God has prepared me and will use me. Some of my choices have been close to deadly and indeed down right humiliating. I am happy that I have allowed God to literally pull my heart out of my chest, dust it off, re-shape it and place it back inside filled with His love (painful indeed). Life is different now for me and the girls, but I am committed to be a Kingdom Builder in anyway He wants to use me. I can only assume that this new “location” is a part of the plan. I pray I bring Him honor and that I actually listen to HIM.
I am reminded of Esther once again; she has to make a choice to do the unthinkable in order to save her people …confront King Xerxes to defend her people. She says, “If I perish, I perish.” I love these words….from a woman nonetheless! God used her life, her connections, her knowledge, her heart (all from HIM) and she allowed Him to work through her to save her people! His people! Praise Jesus! May I be a little more like Esther every day!!!
So my prayer for us all…stay clear of regret that drags you down, yet allow yourself to embrace the grief of the loss, the change, the mistake…but then celebrate with God how He will use all of it for His Kingdom!
WP Patti
p.s. For those WPS readers who are here in Tucson, our church is doing the Esther study Patti talked about starting in September. I am even more excited to get to do it now that I've read what Patti had to say about it! And the cool thing is that I had already planned on having Morgan do it with me. So if there are any other mother daughters, or friends out there who want to join us, come on out! I'll be leading one of the small groups on Wednesday nights (it is also being offered on Tuesday mornings).
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Regret, Repentance, & Restoration
Dear Warrior Princess Sisters,
Thank you all for your prayers and for the words of encouragement that so many of you shared in response to my last post. I was really moved by the stories some of you shared with me. How blessed I am to be given such treasures from your lives! I have requested that a few of you give me permission to share some of your stories, but the rest of you will have to wait and see if anyone lets me share their story. (Pray for them to have the courage to share, I know you’ll be blessed!)
Before I get into my follow up on Regrets, I wanted to give you all an update on Morgan. Morgan is doing really well! She has been using just the Tylenol for pain relief since Sunday. Yesterday Morgan only took two Tylenol all day. She said the pain level is low enough that she didn’t need it in the afternoon. The bigger praise is that she said that even the pain she was in last week after the surgery was more bearable pain than the leg pains she was having before her surgery! Isn’t that awesome?
Being confined by the cast is difficult for her at times, but she is handling it well. (Thank you for your prayers regarding the Lord using this to grow her.) We borrowed a wheelchair for her and last night after church she was wheeling around with her friends and having a great time just being more mobile in the chair. Of course, all the other kids wanted to “play” in the chair, but she told them that even though she was having fun in the chair, they didn’t really want to have to use one. So then they all wanted to get a chance to push her, but she prefers moving herself around so she only lets them push her when her arms get tired. It was really fun to watch.
We are still praying for a job with health benefits. My husband got some new leads from the unemployment office and filled out several applications on line yesterday when he got home. He has more to pursue today. He has been doing some consulting for a small cabinet shop and another wants to hire him, but they don’t offer any health benefits. He told them he’d rather do consulting for them as well and continue pursuing a job with health benefits. I think that he might start doing some work for them next week.
Thank you so much for your prayers! I could truly feel them the day I made my last post. I am doing well. Really. I pray that as I type this out that the Lord would enable me to share what He has been showing me. To His glory!
Love,
WP Stacey
Regret, Repentance, and Restoration
“Rarely do we ask in prayer for what we really need. We usually think a solution will suffice, some sort of answer to our problem. We learn from lament that nothing less than the restored Presence of God will ever satisfy our souls.” (Michael Card, A Sacred Sorrow, workbook p. 21)
The restored Presence of God. Yep, that was it! That is it! I learned a valuable lesson through my regret. Instead of telling myself all the things that I “should” be feeling, or all the things God has taught us along the way, or all of the blessings we do have…instead, I just allowed myself to grieve. I just poured my heart out to the LORD about how sad I was over not having stayed in that house and all the memories I miss from there, all the things I liked about it, the stability it could have been, etc. Even as I wrote what I posted on this blog, I was just pouring it out. And you know, as I got that all out it took me to a place of repentance and restored relationship with my Savior.
I don’t think that act of selling that house was sinful, but there was a lot of baggage associated with the why of the move and a lot more baggage built up in not dealing properly with my thoughts and feelings about it. But mostly it was the thinking that a “solution was the answer” to my problems then and my regret now. The truth is that in fully lamenting it brought me to a place where NOTHING but His Presence would suffice, and I repented of seeking anything other than Him and that brought me into His Presence. Right where I needed to be…the very thing for which my heart truly longs.
“The bottom line: We are all born into a world we were not really made to inhabit. We were created for God, made to flourish in the comfort of the Presence of our Father with the warm context of His undeniable (loving-kindness). Now, in this fallen world, we are cut off from them both…We must call out to Him in the language He has provided. We must regain the tearful trail. We must relearn lament.” (A sacred Sorrow, p.20)
I just want to share this with you because it is so powerful! We all know that recounting our blessings is a good thing and that it is good for us to think about the good things He has done. Even remembering the sins and mistakes we have made and how He has redeemed them…redeemed us, these are good things. But what I am learning is that as good as those things are to do, unless I really am honest and lament the very really feelings that I have (cry out, like a child just sobs over a hurt until they can’t cry any more), until then I cannot fully accept the truth of the blessings. At least for me, I can say that, until I was honest about my regret and got it all out, I couldn’t fully accept the truth.
Please, don’t misunderstand what I am saying about lament. Even the other day when I was regretting past choices, I was not overcome. I was not/am not in despair. I am not depressed. I have been before, so I do know that I am not. In fact, even the day I wrote the piece on regret, I was not depressed, but I was grieving. Amazingly, I have been able to move past the sadness more quickly than other things that I have not fully grieved. In fact, after I wrote that piece and prayed I was able to have a really good day. I know that part of the reason was also that many of you were praying for me. So, while our circumstances have not change, the LORD’s Presence has been near and I feel well.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who has these battles of the mind, but I don’t think so now that I have heard back from several of you who have similar battles. In fact, even the scripture that I quoted the other day says that the mind is the battlefield:
Also, I worry that you all might think that I am one of those people who enjoys being sad or thinking the worst, you know a “Debbie Downer.” No, that is not it at all. I am just learning the freedom of grieving and I have been sharing it with you. Actually, I am amazed at the hopefulness that I have been feeling these past months as we have struggled with joblessness, health, and financial issues. I think that right now, I am more truly joyful in my spirit than I have been in years. I fear that as I have let you in on my personal thoughts and struggles, that maybe you think that I am depressed or in despair. I am not. My mind is a battlefield every day, and some days are harder than others, especially days when we get a letter saying that my husband didn’t get the job, etc. But living in this truth is truly freeing, and I feel well in my soul.
Listen to what Michael Card has to say, “But there exists within American Christianity a numb denial of our need for lament. Some theologians go so far as to say these biblical laments no longer apply to us. And so the language of confession sounds stranger and stranger to our ears. It is heard less and less in our churches, and when it is voiced, rarely are our sins genuinely lamented…Our inability or refusal to enter into personal lament betrays the fact that we do not recognize the depth of our sin. We stubbornly refuse to have our hearts broken by it.”
I’m sure I will be on the battlefield every day. I am sure that there will continue to be disappointments, but I am sure that this tool of lament is just one more weapon that the Lord has given me to live in truth. And I assure you that it hurts less to be honest with my feelings and fully grieve them than when I stuff them and try to pretend that I don’t feel disappointed, sad, angry, or whatever the feeling of the moment is.
I’ve said a lot today and I pray that it makes sense. I pray that everyone who reads this today will be encouraged. I pray that the Lord will take my feeble attempt to share what He is teaching me and that it will be a help to you. I am so thankful for even the two ladies who wrote in their stories of regret to me that just the act of taking the time to write out their stories was helpful to them. I am thankful that because our God is so great, NOTHING will be unredeemed! I am so thankful that He uses the weak and lowly things to bring glory to Himself.
To God Be The Glory!
WP Stacey
Thank you all for your prayers and for the words of encouragement that so many of you shared in response to my last post. I was really moved by the stories some of you shared with me. How blessed I am to be given such treasures from your lives! I have requested that a few of you give me permission to share some of your stories, but the rest of you will have to wait and see if anyone lets me share their story. (Pray for them to have the courage to share, I know you’ll be blessed!)
Before I get into my follow up on Regrets, I wanted to give you all an update on Morgan. Morgan is doing really well! She has been using just the Tylenol for pain relief since Sunday. Yesterday Morgan only took two Tylenol all day. She said the pain level is low enough that she didn’t need it in the afternoon. The bigger praise is that she said that even the pain she was in last week after the surgery was more bearable pain than the leg pains she was having before her surgery! Isn’t that awesome?
Being confined by the cast is difficult for her at times, but she is handling it well. (Thank you for your prayers regarding the Lord using this to grow her.) We borrowed a wheelchair for her and last night after church she was wheeling around with her friends and having a great time just being more mobile in the chair. Of course, all the other kids wanted to “play” in the chair, but she told them that even though she was having fun in the chair, they didn’t really want to have to use one. So then they all wanted to get a chance to push her, but she prefers moving herself around so she only lets them push her when her arms get tired. It was really fun to watch.
We are still praying for a job with health benefits. My husband got some new leads from the unemployment office and filled out several applications on line yesterday when he got home. He has more to pursue today. He has been doing some consulting for a small cabinet shop and another wants to hire him, but they don’t offer any health benefits. He told them he’d rather do consulting for them as well and continue pursuing a job with health benefits. I think that he might start doing some work for them next week.
Thank you so much for your prayers! I could truly feel them the day I made my last post. I am doing well. Really. I pray that as I type this out that the Lord would enable me to share what He has been showing me. To His glory!
Love,
WP Stacey
Regret, Repentance, and Restoration
“Rarely do we ask in prayer for what we really need. We usually think a solution will suffice, some sort of answer to our problem. We learn from lament that nothing less than the restored Presence of God will ever satisfy our souls.” (Michael Card, A Sacred Sorrow, workbook p. 21)
The restored Presence of God. Yep, that was it! That is it! I learned a valuable lesson through my regret. Instead of telling myself all the things that I “should” be feeling, or all the things God has taught us along the way, or all of the blessings we do have…instead, I just allowed myself to grieve. I just poured my heart out to the LORD about how sad I was over not having stayed in that house and all the memories I miss from there, all the things I liked about it, the stability it could have been, etc. Even as I wrote what I posted on this blog, I was just pouring it out. And you know, as I got that all out it took me to a place of repentance and restored relationship with my Savior.
I don’t think that act of selling that house was sinful, but there was a lot of baggage associated with the why of the move and a lot more baggage built up in not dealing properly with my thoughts and feelings about it. But mostly it was the thinking that a “solution was the answer” to my problems then and my regret now. The truth is that in fully lamenting it brought me to a place where NOTHING but His Presence would suffice, and I repented of seeking anything other than Him and that brought me into His Presence. Right where I needed to be…the very thing for which my heart truly longs.
“The bottom line: We are all born into a world we were not really made to inhabit. We were created for God, made to flourish in the comfort of the Presence of our Father with the warm context of His undeniable (loving-kindness). Now, in this fallen world, we are cut off from them both…We must call out to Him in the language He has provided. We must regain the tearful trail. We must relearn lament.” (A sacred Sorrow, p.20)
I just want to share this with you because it is so powerful! We all know that recounting our blessings is a good thing and that it is good for us to think about the good things He has done. Even remembering the sins and mistakes we have made and how He has redeemed them…redeemed us, these are good things. But what I am learning is that as good as those things are to do, unless I really am honest and lament the very really feelings that I have (cry out, like a child just sobs over a hurt until they can’t cry any more), until then I cannot fully accept the truth of the blessings. At least for me, I can say that, until I was honest about my regret and got it all out, I couldn’t fully accept the truth.
Please, don’t misunderstand what I am saying about lament. Even the other day when I was regretting past choices, I was not overcome. I was not/am not in despair. I am not depressed. I have been before, so I do know that I am not. In fact, even the day I wrote the piece on regret, I was not depressed, but I was grieving. Amazingly, I have been able to move past the sadness more quickly than other things that I have not fully grieved. In fact, after I wrote that piece and prayed I was able to have a really good day. I know that part of the reason was also that many of you were praying for me. So, while our circumstances have not change, the LORD’s Presence has been near and I feel well.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who has these battles of the mind, but I don’t think so now that I have heard back from several of you who have similar battles. In fact, even the scripture that I quoted the other day says that the mind is the battlefield:
We demolish arguments and
every pretension
that sets itself up against the
knowledge of God,
and we take captive every thought
to make it obedient to Christ.
II Corinthians 10:5
Also, I worry that you all might think that I am one of those people who enjoys being sad or thinking the worst, you know a “Debbie Downer.” No, that is not it at all. I am just learning the freedom of grieving and I have been sharing it with you. Actually, I am amazed at the hopefulness that I have been feeling these past months as we have struggled with joblessness, health, and financial issues. I think that right now, I am more truly joyful in my spirit than I have been in years. I fear that as I have let you in on my personal thoughts and struggles, that maybe you think that I am depressed or in despair. I am not. My mind is a battlefield every day, and some days are harder than others, especially days when we get a letter saying that my husband didn’t get the job, etc. But living in this truth is truly freeing, and I feel well in my soul.
Listen to what Michael Card has to say, “But there exists within American Christianity a numb denial of our need for lament. Some theologians go so far as to say these biblical laments no longer apply to us. And so the language of confession sounds stranger and stranger to our ears. It is heard less and less in our churches, and when it is voiced, rarely are our sins genuinely lamented…Our inability or refusal to enter into personal lament betrays the fact that we do not recognize the depth of our sin. We stubbornly refuse to have our hearts broken by it.”
I’m sure I will be on the battlefield every day. I am sure that there will continue to be disappointments, but I am sure that this tool of lament is just one more weapon that the Lord has given me to live in truth. And I assure you that it hurts less to be honest with my feelings and fully grieve them than when I stuff them and try to pretend that I don’t feel disappointed, sad, angry, or whatever the feeling of the moment is.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
Galatians 5:1
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
He delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted
and saves those who are
crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
Psalm 34:17-19
I’ve said a lot today and I pray that it makes sense. I pray that everyone who reads this today will be encouraged. I pray that the Lord will take my feeble attempt to share what He is teaching me and that it will be a help to you. I am so thankful for even the two ladies who wrote in their stories of regret to me that just the act of taking the time to write out their stories was helpful to them. I am thankful that because our God is so great, NOTHING will be unredeemed! I am so thankful that He uses the weak and lowly things to bring glory to Himself.
To God Be The Glory!
WP Stacey
Monday, July 5, 2010
What Is Regret?
Regret is a word heavy on my heart today. It is a word that has been coming up often, so I figured I needed to look into and see what the Lord wanted to say to me about it. My first step was to look it up in Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary. I am intentionally going to digress here.
Why the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary? Did you know that Noah Webster was a committed Christian and that he wrote that dictionary as a result of a direct call from God to do so? Today’s dictionaries, even the ones bearing his name, are a very watered down version of the original meanings of the words. If you want a well searched out definition of a word, I highly recommend this dictionary (this dictionary even includes scripture, though it is lacking in modern words relating to technolgical advancements since that time). It’s a lot more expensive than the paperback ones you can buy everywhere, but it is so worth the investment! Back to the topic:
So, what was the original meaning of the word?
Regret, n.
So, why am I pondering regret? Well, yesterday we drove by our first house, the one Kraig and I lived in for 11 years. I really liked that house! We had a lot of great memories in that house including bringing both of our babies home there. But the other thing that happened there was that we remodeled that house ourselves, together. It was hard work, but it was fun too. It wasn’t a big house, but it was bigger than the one we currently live in, and it was a place where our gift for hospitality thrived. I miss that freedom and the room to have lots of people over! So, last night I was filled with regret (grief, sorrow, pain of mind) over ever moving out of that house.
I pondered how much better it would have been for my daughters to have had the stability of having grown up in that one house. Instead we are currently living in the fourth house of their young lives. While I am grateful for this house, it is not a house that we are “at home” in. It doesn’t fit our gift of hospitality. It is not an open place to my soul like that first house was. I have regret.
When we came home from the fireworks last night I was quite grieved over this and just had to get out and walk the dog and think. I kept pondering regret. I thought of a line from a movie I once saw. The daughter asked her mother if she ever had any regrets about decisions she had made (because this daughter was very much regretting some of her decisions), and the mother answered, “No, I don’t have regrets because even my mistakes have made me who I am, and I wouldn’t be who I am if I had made different decisions.”
That statement may or may not be true. Is it wise to regret and then use that to help you make wiser decisions from this point forward? Or is it better to be content and just say that even those mistakes are making me what God wants me to be?
I was surprised when I read the verb tense of the word regret - to grieve at; to lament; to be sorry for; to repent. The verb form of regret goes right along with what I am learning about sorrow and lamenting. I feel like that is what I am doing and maybe this line from the movie that has been playing in my head for the past few years has no truth in it. You see, I have felt like there is something wrong with me that I do regret that decision (and others like it), and that I’m pretty sure that God could’ve taught me what he wanted to even if I hadn’t made those poor choices. I think of stories in the Bible of lives that would’ve been different if only they had made a different choice. I think about how some of them used that as a lesson to spur them on to seek the Lord before moving forward in their new circumstances.
I realize that I am fighting to demolish a stronghold of the enemy here. I am praying for wisdom as to how He, my Savior, wants me to see this and set me free from this trap.
So, if you have any scripture or a personal story that might help me have some insight into this, please post it as a comment or email me. I would so love to hear the wisdom that God has imparted to you on this matter.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Why the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary? Did you know that Noah Webster was a committed Christian and that he wrote that dictionary as a result of a direct call from God to do so? Today’s dictionaries, even the ones bearing his name, are a very watered down version of the original meanings of the words. If you want a well searched out definition of a word, I highly recommend this dictionary (this dictionary even includes scripture, though it is lacking in modern words relating to technolgical advancements since that time). It’s a lot more expensive than the paperback ones you can buy everywhere, but it is so worth the investment! Back to the topic:
So, what was the original meaning of the word?
Regret, n.
- Grief; sorrow; pain of mind. We feel regret at the loss of friends, regret for our own misfortunes, or for the misfortunes of others.
- Pain of conscience; remorse; as a passionate regret at sin.
- Dislike; aversion. [Not proper nor in use.]
1. To grieve at; to lament; to be sorry for; to repent.
2. To be uneasy at. [Not proper nor in use.]So, why am I pondering regret? Well, yesterday we drove by our first house, the one Kraig and I lived in for 11 years. I really liked that house! We had a lot of great memories in that house including bringing both of our babies home there. But the other thing that happened there was that we remodeled that house ourselves, together. It was hard work, but it was fun too. It wasn’t a big house, but it was bigger than the one we currently live in, and it was a place where our gift for hospitality thrived. I miss that freedom and the room to have lots of people over! So, last night I was filled with regret (grief, sorrow, pain of mind) over ever moving out of that house.
I pondered how much better it would have been for my daughters to have had the stability of having grown up in that one house. Instead we are currently living in the fourth house of their young lives. While I am grateful for this house, it is not a house that we are “at home” in. It doesn’t fit our gift of hospitality. It is not an open place to my soul like that first house was. I have regret.
When we came home from the fireworks last night I was quite grieved over this and just had to get out and walk the dog and think. I kept pondering regret. I thought of a line from a movie I once saw. The daughter asked her mother if she ever had any regrets about decisions she had made (because this daughter was very much regretting some of her decisions), and the mother answered, “No, I don’t have regrets because even my mistakes have made me who I am, and I wouldn’t be who I am if I had made different decisions.”
That statement may or may not be true. Is it wise to regret and then use that to help you make wiser decisions from this point forward? Or is it better to be content and just say that even those mistakes are making me what God wants me to be?
I was surprised when I read the verb tense of the word regret - to grieve at; to lament; to be sorry for; to repent. The verb form of regret goes right along with what I am learning about sorrow and lamenting. I feel like that is what I am doing and maybe this line from the movie that has been playing in my head for the past few years has no truth in it. You see, I have felt like there is something wrong with me that I do regret that decision (and others like it), and that I’m pretty sure that God could’ve taught me what he wanted to even if I hadn’t made those poor choices. I think of stories in the Bible of lives that would’ve been different if only they had made a different choice. I think about how some of them used that as a lesson to spur them on to seek the Lord before moving forward in their new circumstances.
I realize that I am fighting to demolish a stronghold of the enemy here. I am praying for wisdom as to how He, my Savior, wants me to see this and set me free from this trap.
For though we live in the world,
we do not wage war as the world does.
we do not wage war as the world does.
The weapons we fight with are
not the weapons of the world.
not the weapons of the world.
On the contrary, they have divine power
to demolish strongholds.
to demolish strongholds.
We demolish arguments
and every pretension
and every pretension
that sets itself up against
the knowledge of God,
the knowledge of God,
and we take captive
every thought to make it
obedient to Christ.
every thought to make it
obedient to Christ.
II Corinthians 10:3-5
I am asking you, my Warrior Princess sisters, if you have struggled with this or if you have any insight to give me? I would so appreciate your prayers regarding the LORD revealing what He wants me to know about this. The good news is that I have hope! Just knowing that regret is grief and lamenting, maybe that’s all I need to know and just allow myself to grieve the loss.
So, if you have any scripture or a personal story that might help me have some insight into this, please post it as a comment or email me. I would so love to hear the wisdom that God has imparted to you on this matter.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Saturday, July 3, 2010
My Dependent Independence Day Weekend
Happy Independence Day weekend! It is most ironic that I am proclaiming my dependence on Christ on Independence weekend. I’m just going to laugh at this for a moment, and it’s okay if you don’t find it a funny as I do:)
As I get going here, let me give you an update. Morgan is doing well, but has realized that even a small amount of activity has a price to be paid in increased pain. Please, don’t feel sorry for her, this is a good thing. Instead I would ask you to pray that God would use this to grow her. Don’t you wish that you could’ve learned and embraced those kinds of lessons when you were 13 or 14? I sure do.
Pray for me too, regarding this. I want to minister to her and be compassionate, without trying to “make everything alright” because only God can do that. I want her to reach out to Him for those things that her daddy and I cannot do for her. We can give her pain medicine, help make her comfortable, and minister to her, but we cannot make her well, physically, emotionally, or spiritually; only He can. Pray for her to see His sufficiency and for her daddy and me to be His tools in drawing her to Him through this. Our praise is that things are going as expected regarding her healing and we are sooooo thankful that there have been no complications! Truly praise the Lord for that!
I also have another update for you regarding my husband’s quest for employment. We were disappointed on Thursday evening to receive a letter informing him that he did not get the position with the company he interviewed with last week. He had an interview with another company this week and did not get that job either. I will be honest and say that I was/am disappointed, VERY. It has been 11 months since he got laid off. I’ve only been concerned about him not having a job for about 8 months, because I had figured that the Lord would’ve provided something by then. Well, God has taken me FAR beyond my time table comfort zone. I have vacillated between trust and despondency through this time, but HE compels me to return quickly to trust (truly it is HIM doing this in me).
I hope it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable or sorry for me that I am struggling; I am learning to not be ashamed for having these very human feelings. I am currently doing a study on sorrow. Yeh, I know it sounds so uplifting, but the truth is…it is. The book and study guide are written by the musician, Michael Card. The book is called A Sacred Sorrow. I bought it more than 3 years ago, but couldn’t muster up the courage to start reading it until a few weeks ago. Basically, the book is showing us how God uses sorrow, which the book calls lament, to draw us closer to Him. Ouch! Not what we want to hear is it? He points out that the Bible is full of laments and the book will be exploring the sorrow and lamenting of Job, David, Jeremiah and Jesus. I’ve just finished the introductory sections, the first four chapters. I couldn’t even begin to summarize it sufficiently, but let me see if I can give you a piece of it to help you understand what God is doing in me. Hopefully, it will encourage you and bless you where God has you right now.
The author, Michael Card, points out how we have been “shushed” in our crying and sorrow from the time we were babies. We don’t really even give ourselves permission to “cry it out”, but instead feel like we are stronger emotionally, morally, physically, and even spiritually if we can just get our emotions under control and stuff them. I mean, we do let ourselves cry a little. We allow people to grieve for a short while, but we expect ourselves and others to pull it together and get on with life. Where is the scriptural basis for that?
The truth is the scriptures are full of lamenting. I’m going to quote the book here from chapter 2 a section called A Harmful Silence (p.20). “Contained somewhere in the heart of these demands to ‘be quiet,’ beneath the sincere attempts at comforting, lay a level of shame and the inescapable message that we should not cry out, we should not behave in such ways; that wanting the comfort of presence and the assurance of (His loving kindness) were really somehow selfish. At that frustrating moment we entered into the very human, fallen aspect of denial, which is the polar opposite of lament.”
I hope I can adequately convey that the bottom line is that the enemy has convinced us that to keep quiet and deny our true feelings of sorrow so that he can get us to live in the false state of denial. You know we’ve all been told that we just need to accept our circumstances or have faith that God will change things or at least use them for good. While those things are true, they often gloss over the pain associated with loss (whatever the loss may be). But God doesn’t ask us to live in denial. And what about Hebrews 11:39 “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.” Do we honestly think that as we read the whole chapter of Hebrews 11 that these people didn’t ever wonder if they were really loved by God when they were being persecuted and the very thing they were told to do did not bring about the results they desired? Do we think that they always felt God’s Presence? Read Job and the Psalms and you will know differently. They did dare to ask, “God where are YOU?” That’s honesty.
He wants a real relationship with us which requires us to be real about our feelings. “If you listen closely enough to the laments of Scripture you will always hear an echo, like the sound of a voice bounding from the wall of a vast empty cathedral. That echo is caused by the emptiness that only comes from a perceived absence of God’s Presence…What torments Job most is not his losses, not even the physical pain he experiences, but the fact that God’s Presence seems to be absent. In the end Job’s troubles are solved NOT by getting back his possessions, nor the children he lost. In the end, Job gets God back.” (A Sacred Sorrow workbook p. 20)
“In one way or another it is the theme of all lament. It is the confused cry of all who struggle to live in a fallen world where God’s perceived absence is the real heart of our battle. It is the opposite of the retreat of denial. Lament is the battle cry! … We learn from lament that nothing less than the restored Presence of God will ever satisfy our souls.” (wkbk. p. 20)
Well, maybe I’ve made this too long. Maybe I haven’t been able to let you see how it is that my LORD is sustaining me and drawing me to Him in the midst of my trouble and sorrow. I pray that you will understand. I pray that we will all have the courage to enter into lament with Him, to enter into real worship, to enter in deep relationship with HIM. So, maybe this has the preamble to my declaration.
And now my Declaration of Dependence:
I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
exalted for You or brought low for You.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You art mine, and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.
I was introduce to this prayer at Betty Heath’s memorial service a few weeks ago and it seemed to put into words the way that God has been compelling me to live over the past 15 years that He has been pursuing me hard. I cannot do anything without Him and so I declare that I am not my own and that I live in complete and utter dependence on Him. I cannot change our circumstances, but I can trust the One who can. And even if He doesn’t (as He has chosen not to in many situations, not just this current jobless present we live in), I choose to trust Him, I choose to believe, and I pray that He will be glorified in even this broken, lamenting (but not despairing) me.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
As I get going here, let me give you an update. Morgan is doing well, but has realized that even a small amount of activity has a price to be paid in increased pain. Please, don’t feel sorry for her, this is a good thing. Instead I would ask you to pray that God would use this to grow her. Don’t you wish that you could’ve learned and embraced those kinds of lessons when you were 13 or 14? I sure do.
Pray for me too, regarding this. I want to minister to her and be compassionate, without trying to “make everything alright” because only God can do that. I want her to reach out to Him for those things that her daddy and I cannot do for her. We can give her pain medicine, help make her comfortable, and minister to her, but we cannot make her well, physically, emotionally, or spiritually; only He can. Pray for her to see His sufficiency and for her daddy and me to be His tools in drawing her to Him through this. Our praise is that things are going as expected regarding her healing and we are sooooo thankful that there have been no complications! Truly praise the Lord for that!
I also have another update for you regarding my husband’s quest for employment. We were disappointed on Thursday evening to receive a letter informing him that he did not get the position with the company he interviewed with last week. He had an interview with another company this week and did not get that job either. I will be honest and say that I was/am disappointed, VERY. It has been 11 months since he got laid off. I’ve only been concerned about him not having a job for about 8 months, because I had figured that the Lord would’ve provided something by then. Well, God has taken me FAR beyond my time table comfort zone. I have vacillated between trust and despondency through this time, but HE compels me to return quickly to trust (truly it is HIM doing this in me).
I hope it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable or sorry for me that I am struggling; I am learning to not be ashamed for having these very human feelings. I am currently doing a study on sorrow. Yeh, I know it sounds so uplifting, but the truth is…it is. The book and study guide are written by the musician, Michael Card. The book is called A Sacred Sorrow. I bought it more than 3 years ago, but couldn’t muster up the courage to start reading it until a few weeks ago. Basically, the book is showing us how God uses sorrow, which the book calls lament, to draw us closer to Him. Ouch! Not what we want to hear is it? He points out that the Bible is full of laments and the book will be exploring the sorrow and lamenting of Job, David, Jeremiah and Jesus. I’ve just finished the introductory sections, the first four chapters. I couldn’t even begin to summarize it sufficiently, but let me see if I can give you a piece of it to help you understand what God is doing in me. Hopefully, it will encourage you and bless you where God has you right now.
The author, Michael Card, points out how we have been “shushed” in our crying and sorrow from the time we were babies. We don’t really even give ourselves permission to “cry it out”, but instead feel like we are stronger emotionally, morally, physically, and even spiritually if we can just get our emotions under control and stuff them. I mean, we do let ourselves cry a little. We allow people to grieve for a short while, but we expect ourselves and others to pull it together and get on with life. Where is the scriptural basis for that?
The truth is the scriptures are full of lamenting. I’m going to quote the book here from chapter 2 a section called A Harmful Silence (p.20). “Contained somewhere in the heart of these demands to ‘be quiet,’ beneath the sincere attempts at comforting, lay a level of shame and the inescapable message that we should not cry out, we should not behave in such ways; that wanting the comfort of presence and the assurance of (His loving kindness) were really somehow selfish. At that frustrating moment we entered into the very human, fallen aspect of denial, which is the polar opposite of lament.”
I hope I can adequately convey that the bottom line is that the enemy has convinced us that to keep quiet and deny our true feelings of sorrow so that he can get us to live in the false state of denial. You know we’ve all been told that we just need to accept our circumstances or have faith that God will change things or at least use them for good. While those things are true, they often gloss over the pain associated with loss (whatever the loss may be). But God doesn’t ask us to live in denial. And what about Hebrews 11:39 “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.” Do we honestly think that as we read the whole chapter of Hebrews 11 that these people didn’t ever wonder if they were really loved by God when they were being persecuted and the very thing they were told to do did not bring about the results they desired? Do we think that they always felt God’s Presence? Read Job and the Psalms and you will know differently. They did dare to ask, “God where are YOU?” That’s honesty.
He wants a real relationship with us which requires us to be real about our feelings. “If you listen closely enough to the laments of Scripture you will always hear an echo, like the sound of a voice bounding from the wall of a vast empty cathedral. That echo is caused by the emptiness that only comes from a perceived absence of God’s Presence…What torments Job most is not his losses, not even the physical pain he experiences, but the fact that God’s Presence seems to be absent. In the end Job’s troubles are solved NOT by getting back his possessions, nor the children he lost. In the end, Job gets God back.” (A Sacred Sorrow workbook p. 20)
fill me with joy in your presence
Psalm 16:11
Do not cast me from Your presence
Psalm 51:11
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?
Psalm 10:1
God has forgotten;
He covers His face and never sees
Psalm 10:11
Why, O LORD, do
You reject me and
hide Your face from me?
Psalm 88:14
Jesus lamented, “Why have You forsaken Me?”
“In one way or another it is the theme of all lament. It is the confused cry of all who struggle to live in a fallen world where God’s perceived absence is the real heart of our battle. It is the opposite of the retreat of denial. Lament is the battle cry! … We learn from lament that nothing less than the restored Presence of God will ever satisfy our souls.” (wkbk. p. 20)
Well, maybe I’ve made this too long. Maybe I haven’t been able to let you see how it is that my LORD is sustaining me and drawing me to Him in the midst of my trouble and sorrow. I pray that you will understand. I pray that we will all have the courage to enter into lament with Him, to enter into real worship, to enter in deep relationship with HIM. So, maybe this has the preamble to my declaration.
And now my Declaration of Dependence:
I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
exalted for You or brought low for You.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You art mine, and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.
I was introduce to this prayer at Betty Heath’s memorial service a few weeks ago and it seemed to put into words the way that God has been compelling me to live over the past 15 years that He has been pursuing me hard. I cannot do anything without Him and so I declare that I am not my own and that I live in complete and utter dependence on Him. I cannot change our circumstances, but I can trust the One who can. And even if He doesn’t (as He has chosen not to in many situations, not just this current jobless present we live in), I choose to trust Him, I choose to believe, and I pray that He will be glorified in even this broken, lamenting (but not despairing) me.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
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