How I Fell Apart (or actually started getting it together)

Letting Go


I Peter 4:12-13
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

I was 27 years old. My life was neat, planned, well-orchestrated. My husband and I had been married for four years. We had a nice home, a dog that didn’t shed (very important), and we both had good jobs. Yep, we were DINKS – Dual Income, NO Kids. I was teaching middle school Language Arts and working on my Master’s degree. Believe it or not, I had no further plans than to finish my degree. We were so busy that we hadn’t had time to sit down and plan the next five years of our lives, but it was on the agenda.

So, that was my life. I played it safe. I taught school. I took classes toward my master's degree, did homework, graded homework, taught aerobics after school each day, went to church every time the doors were open, helped my husband lead a couples Bible study, and worked in the Young Married’s Class at church. Daily, personal study? No, I didn’t have time for that with all those things I was doing. I justified it that I was at church four services a week, and I did read the books that we were studying for our Bible study so that I would be prepared for our group discussions. Plus, I listened to Christian radio, and not just to songs; I listened to some good teachers when I could, like J. Vernon McGee, Charles Swindoll, and John McArthur. I don’t know exactly what it was that changed my heart, but He did start changing me, even with as little as I was giving Him of me personally. I did pray, though I regret that they were often shallow prayers, and then at 27, I began to long for more. More of Him. Lord, You are awesome that You can take such dead, dry, bleached bones and start a spark of life to grow!

I began to remember how I used to pray when I was a little girl. I used to just talk to God all the time about everything that was doing or thinking, so I decided to do that again. I had to purpose in my heart to “pray without ceasing” and I specifically began to focus in on my driving time to and from work. The immediate benefit of that was that I stopped being an angry, uptight driver.

I remember driving home from work one day, considering me neat little life and realizing how much effort I put into making and keeping my life just so. “No wonder I’m tired and overwhelmed. This is exhausting work controlling everything in my life, but I fear letting go.”

It was as if He said to me, “Don’t you trust Me?”

“Well, I do trust You, Lord, but what if You want me to go somewhere I don’t want to go? Like, what if You want me to go be a missionary in some remote part of Africa? You know I don’t even like to go camping here. How could I do something like that?”

“If you believe I am Who I say I am, then you know that you can trust Me. If you don’t, then do you really, really believe at all?”

“I do believe, but I’m afraid to let go of all these things that make me who I am. What will happen? What will people think if I stop doing all these other things for You and let go?”

“You aren’t doing those things for Me. This is what I want for you. Come. Trust Me. I want to show you Who I really am. Let go. Trust Me.”

I did let go. It started with a simple prayer, “Lord, I’m tired of being in control. Lord, I trust You to lead me and do what You want to do with my life. Please, show me what You want me to do.” And He did.

What have we faced since then?

• Infertility

• 2 adoptions that fell through and 2 that resulted in our beautiful daughters

• Breast cancer

• Depression

• Betrayal

• Loss of job

• Loss of business

• Financial hardship

• And the list goes on

So, if I can trust Him, why did I begin writing this piece with a verse about suffering? Read the whole passage again and remember the words, “But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed.” Dear Reader, in all of this He has also blessed us, not as man counts blessings. He has been refining us, stripping away the false gods and revealing life and truth as He draws us closer to Him. The joy of His glory revealed in you IS worth letting go of what we perceive as safe and joining in His suffering. This joy, His Glory, this is our purpose. This is true fulfillment!

To His Glory!
WPS