Sorry, that I haven't updated since Saturday. I was posting quickies on Facebook, so I thought I was covering most people who read this blog, but I have received some emails asking how Morgan is doing, so I thought I'd better post her progress.
She is doing great! She came home Saturday evening. We did not expect her to come home until Sunday evening. She was battling nausea, but we were able to get that and the pain under control with meds. Yesterday afternoon we stopped giving her vicodin, so she is just taking Tylenol for pain now. She must be healing because she took a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon and then slept 12 hours last night (waking only for medication). We are continuing to pray for good and proper healing. She has an appointment to see the surgeon and remove this cast on July 22. Thank you you all so much for you continued prayers!
Now for THE Reason to Celebrate
Some friends sent me this video from youtube. I love it! It makes me think of how we will all celebrate for all eternity what Jesus has done for us. Really and truly there is nothing more important than what He accomplished through His death and Resurrection! That is THE reason to celebrate! I hope you enjoy the video, and I'm looking forward to hearing more of your stories. I have one from another Warrior Princess that I'll be posting as soon as I can get to it.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Update & A Powerful Word From WP Shyla
Good Morning! Oh, yes, it's a good morning! First, last night a really slept well and woke up feeling rested after having interrupted or fitful sleep for a few days. Rest is so good! Secondly, I talked to my husband this morning and he said that Morgan had a great night. Her surgeon has already been in to see her this morning and is taking her off the morphine and sending a physical therapist to come work with her and show her how to use the crutches. Also, the swelling in her leg is so minimal that he was able to re-close the cast (he had sawed it open yesterday just in case she had a lot of swelling). AND the best news is that she may even be able to come home today! I promise to post tomorrow morning if she does.
Now to today's post. My dear friend and original member of the Warrior Princesses, Shyla, sent me a Glory Story to post a few days ago. I finally had time to read and edit it and it is so good that I cannot wait another day to get it on here for the rest of you to read. What a wonderful story!
One more thing...I had posted a link to this blog on Facebook to let people know how Morgan is and so a few of you who have never visited here came for a visit. At least one person liked what she read and wondered if this blog was for anyone. YES! It is for anyone who is interested! Please, pass it on to anyone you think would be encouraged by the stories posted here and PLEASE, share your stories as the Lord leads you. I started and moderate this blog, but it is not my blog, it belongs to our Father. All of the stories written and posted here are really HIS stories told through our lives. So, you are always welcomed to share the blog with anyone, and we would love to hear what He has done in you. It is all For His Glory (Sole Deo Gloria).
Thank you again for your prayers for Morgan. Please, do continue to pray for healing for her bones and incisions. And now, I pray that you are blessed by Shyla's story.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Shyla's Story
As far as experience has taught me, I am an infertile woman. I had two pregnancies, two miscarriages both in the first two years of my marriage and then never got pregnant again during the remaining 11 years of my marriage. God blessed me with my first daughter almost exactly two years after my second miscarriage. God provided this daughter through an amazing woman named Donna. Donna was a sweet, godly presence of a woman. She chose to meet my husband and me from a book of available adoptive couples provided to her by the Christian adoptive agency we were licensed through. We ended up meeting Donna face to face for an “interview” and shortly thereafter she chose us to parent the baby girl that was growing in her womb and was nearly ready to be born. We only had 3 weeks to get prepared. Over those 3 weeks we continued to talk with Donna on the phone and get to know her. She had invited us into the delivery room and especially wanted me to be right by her side when our baby was born. She wanted me close and ready to see, hold, and love my daughter immediately after she was delivered.
On Nov. 15th in the late evening, Donna called to tell us that she was in labor and was heading to the hospital. We were about 1½ hours away, so we packed our bags for a couple day stay and hit the road. When we arrived at the hospital we were invited into the room. We labored with her, we endured the easy stuff, she endured the torturous stuff. Donna labored thru the night. Around 7:00 in the morning Donna was fully dilated and began to push. After 2 hours of pushing the doctor began to threaten to do a cesarean section and out of pure determination Donna started making slow but steady progress. After a total of 3 hours of pushing and a vacuum, our baby was born. She had some brief complications immediately after her birth so we didn’t get to hold her right away. After a short stint in the NICU, my husband and I were able to hold her and love on her and feed her. Due to a few reasons, Donna would need to stay in the hospital for 72 hours.
We spent this time hanging around the hospital, getting to meet Donna’s friends, co-workers and church friends. Amazingly and miraculously, Donna was warm and hospitable, welcoming to us parenting her daughter. She considered us and our daughter always before her and her baby. With the grace and power that ONLY an Oak of Righteousness could display, she invited us to parent her baby right in front of her. On the evening that Donna was released from the hospital she held a dedication service for all of us. She prepared and led the service herself at the church she had been attending during the short time she had been living in this city. With God’s blessing, she officially surrendered her precious baby into our arms. By God’s grace, this was just the beginning of something that just keeps getting more beautiful.
Our first baby was born in 1997. What would this have to do with the event of 2007? In 2007 I wake up in a nightmare where my husband has been having an affair with one particular woman for over 2 years. He has gotten this woman pregnant. My husband and I are in pain, in crisis, trying to figure out how and whether or not to pursue restoration of our marriage. The big unknown factor is this baby…. How do I overcome the baby?? How does he maintain a relationship with this child if he stays in the marriage? The questions are big and the answers are unknown.
I had told my husband shortly after I found out about the baby that I felt he should do as Abraham did and send the child away, along with his mistress. Hagar and Ishmael. WE are his covenant family and they are secondary to us! Send her and the baby away! At a time when you have no idea which end of life is up, you ponder, scramble, thrash around, trying to figure out what the rest of your life could possibly look like. You consider all sorts of things that you never would have considered when life was easy and intact. One day in March of 2007, I received a phone call from Donna, my daughter’s birth mom. She was fully aware of the crisis we were in and was supportive and prayerful for all of us. With great trepidation, she told me she had a message for me. She reiterated over and over again, that she didn’t want to deliver the message but was doing it out of obedience to God. I assured her that I was a woman who lived able and ready to hear any message and that I would not lash out at her. Me and my God walk pretty close, I know His voice when I hear it. I will know if it’s from Him this time too.
“GIVE HIM THE BABY.”
Love this baby. Faith. Embrace this baby. Faith. Allow your children to love and embrace this child. Keep a baby book for him. Welcome him. “Do you remember the history of Ishmael and Isaac?” she asked me. “Look at the mess it has made. What would happen if you embraced and loved this child instead of sending him away?” (By the way, she didn’t even know that I wanted him sent away.)
And then there was silence on her end…. I imagine she was waiting for the backlash. I told her I had to get off the phone and call my husband,…to give him his baby. She was shocked that I was willing to act so quickly… I confided in her that God had been telling me and preparing me for 2 weeks to do this very thing.
I hung up the phone and called my husband. I told him I wanted him to love his son. I told him that I would include him in our family. I told him that I was committed to loving his son too.
In my arrogance, I expected my husband to give up his son for the sake of me and my children. In God’s gentle goodness to me, He humbled me by providing the VERY woman who gave me her baby to tell me to give him his baby. Donna surrendered herself in the biggest form humanly possible to give me her precious baby. How could I NOT surrender this?
What I have learned about surrender is that there are no regrets when you give it all away. With surrender there is exhilarating joy. A kind of freaked-out-joy, like that of riding a wild roller coaster on which you think you are going to die! So out of control, but so absolutely right where you are supposed to be! Surrender feels like death but what it produces is life. The enemy wants to deceive us into believing it’s going to kill us. No matter what it is. God whispers, “Trust me Daughter. I am going to honor you in whatever you surrender for or because of Me. I will return LIFE to you for your courage.”
Warrior Princess Shyla
Now to today's post. My dear friend and original member of the Warrior Princesses, Shyla, sent me a Glory Story to post a few days ago. I finally had time to read and edit it and it is so good that I cannot wait another day to get it on here for the rest of you to read. What a wonderful story!
One more thing...I had posted a link to this blog on Facebook to let people know how Morgan is and so a few of you who have never visited here came for a visit. At least one person liked what she read and wondered if this blog was for anyone. YES! It is for anyone who is interested! Please, pass it on to anyone you think would be encouraged by the stories posted here and PLEASE, share your stories as the Lord leads you. I started and moderate this blog, but it is not my blog, it belongs to our Father. All of the stories written and posted here are really HIS stories told through our lives. So, you are always welcomed to share the blog with anyone, and we would love to hear what He has done in you. It is all For His Glory (Sole Deo Gloria).
Thank you again for your prayers for Morgan. Please, do continue to pray for healing for her bones and incisions. And now, I pray that you are blessed by Shyla's story.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Shyla's Story
I Gave You My Baby, You Give Him His
As far as experience has taught me, I am an infertile woman. I had two pregnancies, two miscarriages both in the first two years of my marriage and then never got pregnant again during the remaining 11 years of my marriage. God blessed me with my first daughter almost exactly two years after my second miscarriage. God provided this daughter through an amazing woman named Donna. Donna was a sweet, godly presence of a woman. She chose to meet my husband and me from a book of available adoptive couples provided to her by the Christian adoptive agency we were licensed through. We ended up meeting Donna face to face for an “interview” and shortly thereafter she chose us to parent the baby girl that was growing in her womb and was nearly ready to be born. We only had 3 weeks to get prepared. Over those 3 weeks we continued to talk with Donna on the phone and get to know her. She had invited us into the delivery room and especially wanted me to be right by her side when our baby was born. She wanted me close and ready to see, hold, and love my daughter immediately after she was delivered.
On Nov. 15th in the late evening, Donna called to tell us that she was in labor and was heading to the hospital. We were about 1½ hours away, so we packed our bags for a couple day stay and hit the road. When we arrived at the hospital we were invited into the room. We labored with her, we endured the easy stuff, she endured the torturous stuff. Donna labored thru the night. Around 7:00 in the morning Donna was fully dilated and began to push. After 2 hours of pushing the doctor began to threaten to do a cesarean section and out of pure determination Donna started making slow but steady progress. After a total of 3 hours of pushing and a vacuum, our baby was born. She had some brief complications immediately after her birth so we didn’t get to hold her right away. After a short stint in the NICU, my husband and I were able to hold her and love on her and feed her. Due to a few reasons, Donna would need to stay in the hospital for 72 hours.
We spent this time hanging around the hospital, getting to meet Donna’s friends, co-workers and church friends. Amazingly and miraculously, Donna was warm and hospitable, welcoming to us parenting her daughter. She considered us and our daughter always before her and her baby. With the grace and power that ONLY an Oak of Righteousness could display, she invited us to parent her baby right in front of her. On the evening that Donna was released from the hospital she held a dedication service for all of us. She prepared and led the service herself at the church she had been attending during the short time she had been living in this city. With God’s blessing, she officially surrendered her precious baby into our arms. By God’s grace, this was just the beginning of something that just keeps getting more beautiful.
Our first baby was born in 1997. What would this have to do with the event of 2007? In 2007 I wake up in a nightmare where my husband has been having an affair with one particular woman for over 2 years. He has gotten this woman pregnant. My husband and I are in pain, in crisis, trying to figure out how and whether or not to pursue restoration of our marriage. The big unknown factor is this baby…. How do I overcome the baby?? How does he maintain a relationship with this child if he stays in the marriage? The questions are big and the answers are unknown.
I had told my husband shortly after I found out about the baby that I felt he should do as Abraham did and send the child away, along with his mistress. Hagar and Ishmael. WE are his covenant family and they are secondary to us! Send her and the baby away! At a time when you have no idea which end of life is up, you ponder, scramble, thrash around, trying to figure out what the rest of your life could possibly look like. You consider all sorts of things that you never would have considered when life was easy and intact. One day in March of 2007, I received a phone call from Donna, my daughter’s birth mom. She was fully aware of the crisis we were in and was supportive and prayerful for all of us. With great trepidation, she told me she had a message for me. She reiterated over and over again, that she didn’t want to deliver the message but was doing it out of obedience to God. I assured her that I was a woman who lived able and ready to hear any message and that I would not lash out at her. Me and my God walk pretty close, I know His voice when I hear it. I will know if it’s from Him this time too.
“GIVE HIM THE BABY.”
Love this baby. Faith. Embrace this baby. Faith. Allow your children to love and embrace this child. Keep a baby book for him. Welcome him. “Do you remember the history of Ishmael and Isaac?” she asked me. “Look at the mess it has made. What would happen if you embraced and loved this child instead of sending him away?” (By the way, she didn’t even know that I wanted him sent away.)
And then there was silence on her end…. I imagine she was waiting for the backlash. I told her I had to get off the phone and call my husband,…to give him his baby. She was shocked that I was willing to act so quickly… I confided in her that God had been telling me and preparing me for 2 weeks to do this very thing.
I hung up the phone and called my husband. I told him I wanted him to love his son. I told him that I would include him in our family. I told him that I was committed to loving his son too.
In my arrogance, I expected my husband to give up his son for the sake of me and my children. In God’s gentle goodness to me, He humbled me by providing the VERY woman who gave me her baby to tell me to give him his baby. Donna surrendered herself in the biggest form humanly possible to give me her precious baby. How could I NOT surrender this?
What I have learned about surrender is that there are no regrets when you give it all away. With surrender there is exhilarating joy. A kind of freaked-out-joy, like that of riding a wild roller coaster on which you think you are going to die! So out of control, but so absolutely right where you are supposed to be! Surrender feels like death but what it produces is life. The enemy wants to deceive us into believing it’s going to kill us. No matter what it is. God whispers, “Trust me Daughter. I am going to honor you in whatever you surrender for or because of Me. I will return LIFE to you for your courage.”
Warrior Princess Shyla
Friday, June 25, 2010
News on Morgan's Surgery Today
Thank you for your prayers for Morgan today. Her surgery went really well. It took the full 3 ½ hours but there were no complications. Thank You, God! She woke easily from the anesthesia and was chattering away with the nurses when we finally got to see her. She did great at first. They hooked her up to the morphine pump and she was using it but then the pain started increasing. It got to be so bad that she was in tears and my husband called the nurse and the hospital pediatrician came in to see her. The pediatrician read the surgeon’s notes and realized that while the nurse had administered the morphine, she had not given Morgan the other pain killer he prescribed nor the anti-inflammatory. Once they got those in her the pain reduced but then she got nauseous so they had to give her something for that too. My husband is staying at the hospital with her tonight and we are hopeful that once everything is in her system properly that the pain and nausea will subside and that she will be able to work with the physical therapist tomorrow and begin to use the crutches.
I am so thankful for how well the surgery went and that in spite of the glitch with her pain meds that things will go well tonight and tomorrow. I totally had a peace about everything this morning even though I had an upset stomach and a few other signs of stress. It occurred to me that even though I can’t control how my body responds to the stress, I could control my thoughts and keep going to my Father in prayer. Even though it was stressful, I feel like the Lord had the victory in me today. Thank Father for Your victory and for all of your people who held us up in prayer today!
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
I am so thankful for how well the surgery went and that in spite of the glitch with her pain meds that things will go well tonight and tomorrow. I totally had a peace about everything this morning even though I had an upset stomach and a few other signs of stress. It occurred to me that even though I can’t control how my body responds to the stress, I could control my thoughts and keep going to my Father in prayer. Even though it was stressful, I feel like the Lord had the victory in me today. Thank Father for Your victory and for all of your people who held us up in prayer today!
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Morgan's Surgery
Well, this post is not the usual Warrior Princess post, but so many people have been asking me about Morgan’s surgery and some of you don’t even know why she is having the surgery. So, we’ll start with the reason that Morgan is having surgery, she has a deformity in the way her leg bones grow. Her femurs (thigh bones) grow twisted inward and her tibias (lower leg bones) grow twisted outward. The orthopedic doctors call this “miserable malalignment”. When she was about 9 she pointed out to us that her knees pointed in when she has her feet facing forward to walk, but we didn’t think too much of it since our pediatrician didn’t think there was anything to be concerned about.
Morgan has been dealing with leg pain since she was about 7, but our former pediatrician always attributed the pain to other things. A few months ago the pain began to get worse (Tylenol didn’t even help with the pain at times), and she was beginning to have pain in her ankles and hips as well as the knees. I took her to our new pediatrician who actually looked at her legs and she sent us to a pediatric orthopedic who told us what her problem is and why it is causing her pain. She is actually VERY out of alignment on her right side, which is why she is having surgery on her right leg first.
Tomorrow morning she will be having an osteotomy, which means that the surgeon will cut her femur above the knee and then re-align it so that her knee is pointing forward and then he will cut her tibia and re-align her ankle so that her foot is pointing forward. He will re-attach the bones with plates and screws. Ouch! She’s supposed to be in the hospital for 2-3 days and then she will come home. She will be in a full leg cast for 4 weeks. When they remove that cast she is supposed to get a cast on the lower leg and a brace for her knee and begin physical therapy. One therapist I spoke to told me that it is 3-4 months of physical therapy. When that leg is healed, we are planning on doing the left leg.
So, this mama is a bit anxious about the surgery. I know it is what she needs (we even got a second opinion from another orthopedic surgeon last week). She actually wants it done because she is in pain every day and it is increasing. So for clarity sake, this surgery is being done because she is in pain daily, not for cosmetic reasons. It is just so hard to think about what they are going to do to her and knowing that the surgery and recovery are going to be painful and difficult. In spite of my feelings, I do have a peace about it, but it is still hard to think about all she is going to have to go through. I know that God has prepared her and us for this. A few months ago He was laying on my heart to pray for her regarding a trial that she was going to have to go through. I know that this is for her/our good (physically, but even more spiritually and emotionally), but I still struggle to take every thought captive because I worry about complications, etc.
I am so thankful that my cousin reminded me the other day that God has known about this ever since He formed her in the womb. This is part of His plan, and in that I do have peace.
I appreciate all of your prayers for Morgan, her surgeon, her healing, and for my anxious thoughts. I am planning on getting on here to post how the surgery went tomorrow night. So, if you are interested, check back on Saturday morning.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. My husband had a job interview today and he felt like it went really well. He will know by the end of next week. I would appreciate your prayers for that too. Thank you.
Morgan has been dealing with leg pain since she was about 7, but our former pediatrician always attributed the pain to other things. A few months ago the pain began to get worse (Tylenol didn’t even help with the pain at times), and she was beginning to have pain in her ankles and hips as well as the knees. I took her to our new pediatrician who actually looked at her legs and she sent us to a pediatric orthopedic who told us what her problem is and why it is causing her pain. She is actually VERY out of alignment on her right side, which is why she is having surgery on her right leg first.
Tomorrow morning she will be having an osteotomy, which means that the surgeon will cut her femur above the knee and then re-align it so that her knee is pointing forward and then he will cut her tibia and re-align her ankle so that her foot is pointing forward. He will re-attach the bones with plates and screws. Ouch! She’s supposed to be in the hospital for 2-3 days and then she will come home. She will be in a full leg cast for 4 weeks. When they remove that cast she is supposed to get a cast on the lower leg and a brace for her knee and begin physical therapy. One therapist I spoke to told me that it is 3-4 months of physical therapy. When that leg is healed, we are planning on doing the left leg.
So, this mama is a bit anxious about the surgery. I know it is what she needs (we even got a second opinion from another orthopedic surgeon last week). She actually wants it done because she is in pain every day and it is increasing. So for clarity sake, this surgery is being done because she is in pain daily, not for cosmetic reasons. It is just so hard to think about what they are going to do to her and knowing that the surgery and recovery are going to be painful and difficult. In spite of my feelings, I do have a peace about it, but it is still hard to think about all she is going to have to go through. I know that God has prepared her and us for this. A few months ago He was laying on my heart to pray for her regarding a trial that she was going to have to go through. I know that this is for her/our good (physically, but even more spiritually and emotionally), but I still struggle to take every thought captive because I worry about complications, etc.
I am so thankful that my cousin reminded me the other day that God has known about this ever since He formed her in the womb. This is part of His plan, and in that I do have peace.
You
made all the delicate,
inner parts of my body
and knit me together
in my mother's womb.
You
saw me
before I was born.
Every day of my life
was recorded
in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before
a single day had passed.
Psalm 139:13 & 16
I appreciate all of your prayers for Morgan, her surgeon, her healing, and for my anxious thoughts. I am planning on getting on here to post how the surgery went tomorrow night. So, if you are interested, check back on Saturday morning.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. My husband had a job interview today and he felt like it went really well. He will know by the end of next week. I would appreciate your prayers for that too. Thank you.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Glory Story by WP Stephanie
I am so blessed by Stephanie sharing one of her stories with us. As I read her story, I thought of how God prepares us for the things He is going to do. I love how He prepared Stehanie and her husband for the work He was leading them into and what a great testimony this is to their children and to the rest of us.
To God Be The Glory,
WP Stacey
Stephanie's Story
This past year and a half has been one of the most difficult times of my life. My husband and I are foster parents and for those of you that have been or are foster parents, need I say more? It has been a calling; most of our family and friends think we’re crazy, but I tell them that God has asked us to do this and how can we argue with Him?
I’m going to back up a little by letting you know that on April 8, 2008, I surprised my husband by planning to renew our wedding vows, this time with a twist. See, we had already been married THREE times; the first time, we eloped and were married by the Justice of the Peace on April 8, 1988. The second time, we were married at St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church with family and friends present, white dress and all, on June 1, 1991. And the third time, my husband surprised me for our 10th anniversary and took me to Las Vegas, where we renewed our vows at the Little White Wedding Chapel. For our FOURTH “wedding” on April 8, 2008, our good friend, Pastor Phil Kruis from Rincon Mountain Presbyterian Church, officiated our renewal of vows. This time, we made a Marriage Covenant, which was appropriate this time around, since we were “born again” in October 2002. We have our Marriage Covenant Certificate hanging in our family room (as a reminder) and this is what it says:
I give you this background because I believe that if we had not had Jesus Christ at the center of our marriage, we might not have made it through this past year and a half as one.
I cannot go into details about the two foster boys we had in our home; I can only tell you that they had been through A LOT before they came into our home. We had taken an 11 month break after the previous children we had in our home (they had been with us for 11 months). Near the end of October, 2008, we were feeling like we were finally ready to take more children into our home. We began praying that God would bring the children into our home that He wanted us to care for. The VERY NEXT DAY, we received a phone call from the Christian agency that we’re licensed through. The worker told me everything she knew about these boys. Immediately my heart went out to them, but I was terrified. My husband and I prayed about it and decided that God wanted us to take these boys into our home; we felt that over the years, He had been preparing us to take in these particular boys.
To make a VERY long story short, it was an exhausting, mentally trying, physically trying, but marriage strengthening year and a half for my husband and me. There were weak times and during those times, Satan tried to attack us. This past December, I began having panic attacks and experienced my first ever bout with depression. I would be freezing and could never get warm, I was tired all the time, I did not want to get out of bed and I didn’t want to see or talk to any of our friends. My husband was a rock for me. We had to fight SO hard for these boys; for their schooling, their mental health needs, and their rights in general, as well as spiritual warfare, as we were giving them a foundation in Christ and their biological mother was not 100% supportive of that.
We built a relationship with their biological mother, which was not easy. During the process of “reunification” of these boys with their mother, our confidence in “the system” was diminished. I made it through, with lots of prayer, but found that I came out of this whole experience different, and not in a way that I wanted to be. I became a very pessimistic person and I have never been that kind of person before. The boys are now living with their biological mom, after I have been their “mom” for a year and a half (which holds its own heartache for me).
Even though our business has not been doing well for the past 2 and a half years, God has allowed us to get away this summer. We are up in the Colorado Rocky Mountains for two months; my husband, my 16 year old son, my 7 year old son and me. I have dubbed this trip “The Roberts Family Retreat”. As our trip began two weeks ago, I began praying reverently for God to change my heart and help me to not think so negatively. I decided that I was going to begin reading 1 John (don’t ask me why) and as I when I went to open my Bible, the Lord took me to 1 Peter. I thought to myself, “Okay, Lord, if that’s where you want me to begin…” Over the next several days, here are some of the things I read that have helped me tremendously:
“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.” 1 Peter 2:1-3
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, ‘Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.’ Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. ‘Do no fear what they fear; do not be frightened.’ But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.” 1 Peter 3:8-17
I need to trust in the Lord and rely on Him more than I have been doing. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need.
With love,
WP Stephanie
To God Be The Glory,
WP Stacey
Stephanie's Story
This past year and a half has been one of the most difficult times of my life. My husband and I are foster parents and for those of you that have been or are foster parents, need I say more? It has been a calling; most of our family and friends think we’re crazy, but I tell them that God has asked us to do this and how can we argue with Him?
I’m going to back up a little by letting you know that on April 8, 2008, I surprised my husband by planning to renew our wedding vows, this time with a twist. See, we had already been married THREE times; the first time, we eloped and were married by the Justice of the Peace on April 8, 1988. The second time, we were married at St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church with family and friends present, white dress and all, on June 1, 1991. And the third time, my husband surprised me for our 10th anniversary and took me to Las Vegas, where we renewed our vows at the Little White Wedding Chapel. For our FOURTH “wedding” on April 8, 2008, our good friend, Pastor Phil Kruis from Rincon Mountain Presbyterian Church, officiated our renewal of vows. This time, we made a Marriage Covenant, which was appropriate this time around, since we were “born again” in October 2002. We have our Marriage Covenant Certificate hanging in our family room (as a reminder) and this is what it says:
“We Believe God created marriage to be holy, to exemplify the glorious, eternal marriage between His Son Jesus Christ and His Church.
We Believe Our marriage is sacred and a lifelong covenant.
We Believe God calls us to pursue unconditional love for each other as modeled by His promise never to leave or forsake us.
Therefore, We, the undersigned, pledge to fulfill our marriage vows and pursue oneness.
We further pledge to bring glory to God through our sacred permanent marriage and by calling others to fulfill their marriage vows.
We agree to joyfully receive each other as God’s perfect gift; to have and to hold from this day forward;
For better or for worse; for richer and for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love, honor, cherish and protect one another;
Forsaking all others as long as we both shall live, so help us God.”
I give you this background because I believe that if we had not had Jesus Christ at the center of our marriage, we might not have made it through this past year and a half as one.
I cannot go into details about the two foster boys we had in our home; I can only tell you that they had been through A LOT before they came into our home. We had taken an 11 month break after the previous children we had in our home (they had been with us for 11 months). Near the end of October, 2008, we were feeling like we were finally ready to take more children into our home. We began praying that God would bring the children into our home that He wanted us to care for. The VERY NEXT DAY, we received a phone call from the Christian agency that we’re licensed through. The worker told me everything she knew about these boys. Immediately my heart went out to them, but I was terrified. My husband and I prayed about it and decided that God wanted us to take these boys into our home; we felt that over the years, He had been preparing us to take in these particular boys.
To make a VERY long story short, it was an exhausting, mentally trying, physically trying, but marriage strengthening year and a half for my husband and me. There were weak times and during those times, Satan tried to attack us. This past December, I began having panic attacks and experienced my first ever bout with depression. I would be freezing and could never get warm, I was tired all the time, I did not want to get out of bed and I didn’t want to see or talk to any of our friends. My husband was a rock for me. We had to fight SO hard for these boys; for their schooling, their mental health needs, and their rights in general, as well as spiritual warfare, as we were giving them a foundation in Christ and their biological mother was not 100% supportive of that.
We built a relationship with their biological mother, which was not easy. During the process of “reunification” of these boys with their mother, our confidence in “the system” was diminished. I made it through, with lots of prayer, but found that I came out of this whole experience different, and not in a way that I wanted to be. I became a very pessimistic person and I have never been that kind of person before. The boys are now living with their biological mom, after I have been their “mom” for a year and a half (which holds its own heartache for me).
Even though our business has not been doing well for the past 2 and a half years, God has allowed us to get away this summer. We are up in the Colorado Rocky Mountains for two months; my husband, my 16 year old son, my 7 year old son and me. I have dubbed this trip “The Roberts Family Retreat”. As our trip began two weeks ago, I began praying reverently for God to change my heart and help me to not think so negatively. I decided that I was going to begin reading 1 John (don’t ask me why) and as I when I went to open my Bible, the Lord took me to 1 Peter. I thought to myself, “Okay, Lord, if that’s where you want me to begin…” Over the next several days, here are some of the things I read that have helped me tremendously:
“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.” 1 Peter 2:1-3
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, ‘Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.’ Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. ‘Do no fear what they fear; do not be frightened.’ But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.” 1 Peter 3:8-17
I need to trust in the Lord and rely on Him more than I have been doing. My Heavenly Father knows just what I need.
With love,
WP Stephanie
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Remembering Our Adoption Story - Part III
I finally had time to finish writing our adoption story. I love remembering this story, but this is the first time I've ever written it out. I learned so much by writing it out. Two ladies have sent me stories of remembering things that the Lord has done for them. I am excited to post them on here, but I wanted to finish this story first so I didn't leave you hanging too long. I would love to hear more stories of remembering where God has moved in your life. Even if you decide not to have me post your story here, I highly recommend remembering and writing down the places the Lord has already met you. This has been a powerful experience for me and I believe you will see things you haven't before if you take the time to write or type it out.
Part III
I now resume my story. It was still the same afternoon that we had been in to see our case worker and talk to the birth mom on the phone, and I was telling the Lord that if He really didn’t want us in this match, that He was going to have to shut the door. I picked up the phone and called a friend to tell my story to and get her opinion. No answer. I called three friends and nobody was home! I thought, “Well, who am I going to talk to now?” And it was as if the Lord said, “Why don’t you talk to Me about it?”
Seriously, why was I seeking human counsel instead of going to my Father? Well, because I didn't want to do it His way. It seemed too hard. I was scared and sad, so I told Him so. I told Him that I didn’t want to give up this chance to be a mom, to have a baby. I also knew that He was telling me to just trust Him. Just do what I already knew I needed to do…call Marti and tell her the truth, that God had been very clear that this was not the match for us. I wanted to justify not doing it because it might hurt this birth mom. She might think that we thought there was something wrong with her or her baby and it might make her feel bad. The Lord told me that was an excuse and that He would take care of this dear lady and it wasn’t my job to figure that part out. I just needed to obey.
This was the most difficult thing I had ever done (up to that point in my life), so before I could chicken out, I picked up the phone and called Marti and told her that, in spite of my desire to stay in this match and how badly I want to be a mom, I knew that the Lord was telling me that we were not supposed to be in this match. I cried as I told her, but the Lord is so good. She said, “I have been feeling the same way. I felt like the Lord was telling me that this was not the match for you.” I told her that I was worried for the birth mom that it was going to be hard on her that we were backing out, but Marti said that she would talk to her and felt like it would be fine. She told me that she would put our letter back in the “book” that birth parents look at to choose the adoptive couple they want to place their baby with. She said she would also call the Phoenix office and let them know to put us back in the book in their office too.
I got off the phone and just cried until I couldn’t cry any more. Then I called my husband at work and told him what I had done, and I cried some more. He was very understanding and said that he trusted that if that was what the Lord was telling me then that was our answer. Then I just lay on the floor because I just didn’t have the energy to move. A little while later the phone rang. I thought it was one of the friends that I had called earlier calling me back. But it was Marti. It had been about an hour since I had talked to her.
“Stacey, you are not going to believe what I’m going to tell you. I called up to the Phoenix office to tell them to put your letter back in the book because you were no longer in a match, and they said that they’ve had a birth mother waiting for a whole week to see if you were going to stay in the match you were in. Apparently, they had forgotten to remove your letter from their book when you entered into this last match. A birth mom had gone through the ENTIRE book, and said that you were the family that she wanted. When she was told that you were in a match, she said she’d wait. She has been waiting for a whole week! Do you know how incredible this is?”
I was speechless! What if I hadn’t listened? Oh, Lord, I am so sorry that I was so stubborn! Then Marti told me who to call at the Phoenix office to set up a visit with this birth mom. In less than a week, we met our daugther’s birth mother and birth aunt. We all connected right away and developed a very good relationship with our daughter’s birth family. We really came to love them and are so thankful that we got to know them.
I have to tell you the clincher though…Remember in Part I when I said that we decided to open our hearts to the idea of an open adoption and we began praying for our baby’s birth mother? That was almost exactly nine months before our daughter was born! I know it may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but it is huge to me. God put it on our hearts to begin praying over our baby and her birth mother almost from the moment of her conception!
I told this story to my daughter the first time when she was about four years old, and her first response was, “Mommy, I’m so glad you obeyed!” I am too!
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. I continued to pray for the other birth mother after we backed out of the match. I found out later that she ended up deciding to parent instead of placing her baby for adoption.
Part III
I now resume my story. It was still the same afternoon that we had been in to see our case worker and talk to the birth mom on the phone, and I was telling the Lord that if He really didn’t want us in this match, that He was going to have to shut the door. I picked up the phone and called a friend to tell my story to and get her opinion. No answer. I called three friends and nobody was home! I thought, “Well, who am I going to talk to now?” And it was as if the Lord said, “Why don’t you talk to Me about it?”
Seriously, why was I seeking human counsel instead of going to my Father? Well, because I didn't want to do it His way. It seemed too hard. I was scared and sad, so I told Him so. I told Him that I didn’t want to give up this chance to be a mom, to have a baby. I also knew that He was telling me to just trust Him. Just do what I already knew I needed to do…call Marti and tell her the truth, that God had been very clear that this was not the match for us. I wanted to justify not doing it because it might hurt this birth mom. She might think that we thought there was something wrong with her or her baby and it might make her feel bad. The Lord told me that was an excuse and that He would take care of this dear lady and it wasn’t my job to figure that part out. I just needed to obey.
Trust in the LORD
with all your heart;
do not depend on
your own understanding.
Seek His will in all you do,
and He will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
This was the most difficult thing I had ever done (up to that point in my life), so before I could chicken out, I picked up the phone and called Marti and told her that, in spite of my desire to stay in this match and how badly I want to be a mom, I knew that the Lord was telling me that we were not supposed to be in this match. I cried as I told her, but the Lord is so good. She said, “I have been feeling the same way. I felt like the Lord was telling me that this was not the match for you.” I told her that I was worried for the birth mom that it was going to be hard on her that we were backing out, but Marti said that she would talk to her and felt like it would be fine. She told me that she would put our letter back in the “book” that birth parents look at to choose the adoptive couple they want to place their baby with. She said she would also call the Phoenix office and let them know to put us back in the book in their office too.
I got off the phone and just cried until I couldn’t cry any more. Then I called my husband at work and told him what I had done, and I cried some more. He was very understanding and said that he trusted that if that was what the Lord was telling me then that was our answer. Then I just lay on the floor because I just didn’t have the energy to move. A little while later the phone rang. I thought it was one of the friends that I had called earlier calling me back. But it was Marti. It had been about an hour since I had talked to her.
“Stacey, you are not going to believe what I’m going to tell you. I called up to the Phoenix office to tell them to put your letter back in the book because you were no longer in a match, and they said that they’ve had a birth mother waiting for a whole week to see if you were going to stay in the match you were in. Apparently, they had forgotten to remove your letter from their book when you entered into this last match. A birth mom had gone through the ENTIRE book, and said that you were the family that she wanted. When she was told that you were in a match, she said she’d wait. She has been waiting for a whole week! Do you know how incredible this is?”
I was speechless! What if I hadn’t listened? Oh, Lord, I am so sorry that I was so stubborn! Then Marti told me who to call at the Phoenix office to set up a visit with this birth mom. In less than a week, we met our daugther’s birth mother and birth aunt. We all connected right away and developed a very good relationship with our daughter’s birth family. We really came to love them and are so thankful that we got to know them.
I have to tell you the clincher though…Remember in Part I when I said that we decided to open our hearts to the idea of an open adoption and we began praying for our baby’s birth mother? That was almost exactly nine months before our daughter was born! I know it may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but it is huge to me. God put it on our hearts to begin praying over our baby and her birth mother almost from the moment of her conception!
I told this story to my daughter the first time when she was about four years old, and her first response was, “Mommy, I’m so glad you obeyed!” I am too!
"What is more pleasing to the LORD:
your burnt offerings and sacrifices
or your obedience
to His voice?
Obedience
is far better
than sacrifice.
Listening to Him
is much better than
offering the fat of rams.
I Samuel 15:22
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. I continued to pray for the other birth mother after we backed out of the match. I found out later that she ended up deciding to parent instead of placing her baby for adoption.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Remembering Weapon Part II
When I sat down to write out the rest of our adoption story today I thought that was all I was going to do. I am amazed and surprised at how powerful the weapon of REMEMBER has just shown itself to be! No wonder God tells us to remember!!! I thought the power was in remembering what He has already done and the encouragement and strength that is to us. That is exactly what it did for me when I wrote the other day.
But today, He revealed my sin in my current circumstance by allowing me to look back at the sin of my past circumstance. I am amazed! I pray you are blessed and challenged when you read this today. God is so good!
Part II
Today I start in May 1996. We have been in one match (that means a birth mother had chosen us to parent her yet-to-be-born baby and we were working on establishing a relationship with her). But due to circumstances, that one hadn’t worked out and we were still waiting for a baby. We were newly in a match that was a really positive one. Our case worker was as sure as one can be, that this mom was going to place the baby and go through with the adoption plan. The baby was due in August. The birth mom lived out of state, so our relationship was going to have to develop long distance. Everything seemed great. We were finally going to get to be parents!
Our case worker was out of town on vacation for two weeks, so we didn’t really have the opportunity to work on developing a relationship with the birth mom since it would first be facilitated through our case worker via the phone. When Marti, our case worker, came back we met with her at the agency and talked about this match and to have our first conversation with the birth mom on speaker phone in Marti’s office. I asked Marti what she thought about this birth mom and her likeliness to actually place the baby with an adoptive family. I asked for two reasons; first, because we already had one match fall through and I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much (self protecting, again) and secondly, because something kept nagging at the back of my mind. What had been at the back of my mind, or more accurately, in the middle of my heart, was that I didn’t have a peace about this match and I couldn’t understand why. I kept looking at it from different angles and asking questions and praying that if this wasn’t the match we were supposed to be in, that God would show us.
Marti answered my questions and we talked about this nagging feeling I was having. I couldn’t call it what it really was. It was doubt. There was a doubt in my heart, a lack of peace, that we were supposed to be in this match. But I wanted a baby so badly that I couldn’t say that! I couldn’t turn down the possibility of getting a baby if someone was willing to place with us, even if I didn’t think it was the right match for us. How could I want a baby so much, and then say, “I don’t think this is the baby for us,”? Then I dared ask the question, “How often is the adoptive couple the party to back out of the match?” I did not expect the answer she gave. She said, “I’ve never had an adoptive couple back out of a match.” What!? Then how could I say that I don’t have a peace about this? There must be something wrong with me! No, I'm going to ignore this thougth, His voice. They'll all think that I'm crazy. We're just going to keep going forward until He closes the door!
Marti asked if we wanted to go ahead with the phone call to the birth mom and my husband said that we did and I still didn’t have the guts to say that I didn’t have a peace about it. I still wanted a baby more than anything. I couldn’t say no. So, we had our first conversation on speaker phone and it was comfortable. There was NOTHING to make me think that this couldn’t work. But the Holy Spirit would not give me peace. I ignored Him. I smiled and thanked Marti and told her how we looked forward to meeting and talking with this birth mom again soon. I was NOT going to give up this dream to be a mom. I was NOT going to give up a chance to have this baby! My husband went back to work and I went home. I listened to talk radio on my drive home to keep my mind distracted. I can do this! I want this! I won’t listen to You.
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment. Isaiah 50:10-11
If I had known this verse from Isaiah then, maybe I wouldn’t have been so stubborn, but I didn’t, and I was determined to have what I wanted. I rationalized that what I wanted, to be a mother, for Kraig to be a father, to love a baby…these were noble things, good things, not sinful things. So, why did I feel like I was rebelling? Because I was. I knew the Spirit was telling me that this was not our baby. This was not the match that we were supposed to be in. But if I let go and told Marti that I knew in my heart that this was not the match for us, when would I get a baby? Would I ever? If God really didn’t want us in this match, then He could shut the door. Yes, that is what He should do. If He doesn’t want us to do this He is big enough and powerful enough to shut the door. So, You do it, God because I can’t (won’t).
I was a teacher and it was summer time, so when I got home I had no work deadlines or anything important to keep my mind occupied to keep me from thinking about this nagging feeling in my heart. “Okay, God, I’ll help You out. If You don’t want me to do this, then I’m going to call a friend and she will just tell me that she doesn’t think this is a good idea. Okay? You shut this door for me if that is what You want. I mean, I do want to obey You, so You do this. Okay?”
Hmmm…looking back I see my stubbornness, but at that moment I thought I was being so gracious to our Lord. Amazing that He loves me! Here I was telling THE Creator of the Universe what to do and how to do it. But you know what I realize right now? My God loves me. My Savior came to save me, set me free, NOT to condemn me. He should’ve struck me with a bolt of fire from Heaven right then like He did to those rebellious ones in the desert who spoke against Moses. After all, I wasn’t challenging God’s man, I was challenging God Himself!
As I read my own story I am leveled with the love the Father has for me/us! I am undone as I see the audacity of my sinful heart!
Well, I was planning on telling you the rest of the story right now, but I can’t. I have been reminded of my rebellion and how He loves me. How He has lavished me in love when I certainly didn’t deserve it. What I am thinking right now is that I need to go reflect on what I am telling God that He needs to do in my current circumstances. It is good for us to remember, because I know how this story turns out. I know how much I wanted what I wanted, and how I justified that He should not deny me because it was a good thing. But He wanted ALL of my heart then just likes He wants all of it right now.
I can see clearly now, though I honestly couldn’t at the time, that I was making motherhood, having my own baby, my god. Because He loves me, He wouldn’t give me a peace. He knew it was in my best interest to put what I wanted most on the altar and proclaim the truth that He is worthy. Could I give up what I wanted most and proclaim the truth of His worthiness? Could I say that even if He never gave me a baby, that He was enough? And can I do that with what He has before me today? Am I willing to die to self, to my “noble” ideas and desires and say that they are nothing compared to Him? I must. My heart compels me so. Even though I am weak right now, and don’t want to give up my dream, He is so great that He compels me to say, “You are enough. Your will be done. You are worthy!”
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. I will tell you what happened next time, but I ask you to pray for me that I can live what I am committing to do right now. He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30
But today, He revealed my sin in my current circumstance by allowing me to look back at the sin of my past circumstance. I am amazed! I pray you are blessed and challenged when you read this today. God is so good!
Part II
Today I start in May 1996. We have been in one match (that means a birth mother had chosen us to parent her yet-to-be-born baby and we were working on establishing a relationship with her). But due to circumstances, that one hadn’t worked out and we were still waiting for a baby. We were newly in a match that was a really positive one. Our case worker was as sure as one can be, that this mom was going to place the baby and go through with the adoption plan. The baby was due in August. The birth mom lived out of state, so our relationship was going to have to develop long distance. Everything seemed great. We were finally going to get to be parents!
Our case worker was out of town on vacation for two weeks, so we didn’t really have the opportunity to work on developing a relationship with the birth mom since it would first be facilitated through our case worker via the phone. When Marti, our case worker, came back we met with her at the agency and talked about this match and to have our first conversation with the birth mom on speaker phone in Marti’s office. I asked Marti what she thought about this birth mom and her likeliness to actually place the baby with an adoptive family. I asked for two reasons; first, because we already had one match fall through and I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much (self protecting, again) and secondly, because something kept nagging at the back of my mind. What had been at the back of my mind, or more accurately, in the middle of my heart, was that I didn’t have a peace about this match and I couldn’t understand why. I kept looking at it from different angles and asking questions and praying that if this wasn’t the match we were supposed to be in, that God would show us.
Marti answered my questions and we talked about this nagging feeling I was having. I couldn’t call it what it really was. It was doubt. There was a doubt in my heart, a lack of peace, that we were supposed to be in this match. But I wanted a baby so badly that I couldn’t say that! I couldn’t turn down the possibility of getting a baby if someone was willing to place with us, even if I didn’t think it was the right match for us. How could I want a baby so much, and then say, “I don’t think this is the baby for us,”? Then I dared ask the question, “How often is the adoptive couple the party to back out of the match?” I did not expect the answer she gave. She said, “I’ve never had an adoptive couple back out of a match.” What!? Then how could I say that I don’t have a peace about this? There must be something wrong with me! No, I'm going to ignore this thougth, His voice. They'll all think that I'm crazy. We're just going to keep going forward until He closes the door!
Marti asked if we wanted to go ahead with the phone call to the birth mom and my husband said that we did and I still didn’t have the guts to say that I didn’t have a peace about it. I still wanted a baby more than anything. I couldn’t say no. So, we had our first conversation on speaker phone and it was comfortable. There was NOTHING to make me think that this couldn’t work. But the Holy Spirit would not give me peace. I ignored Him. I smiled and thanked Marti and told her how we looked forward to meeting and talking with this birth mom again soon. I was NOT going to give up this dream to be a mom. I was NOT going to give up a chance to have this baby! My husband went back to work and I went home. I listened to talk radio on my drive home to keep my mind distracted. I can do this! I want this! I won’t listen to You.
Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment. Isaiah 50:10-11
If I had known this verse from Isaiah then, maybe I wouldn’t have been so stubborn, but I didn’t, and I was determined to have what I wanted. I rationalized that what I wanted, to be a mother, for Kraig to be a father, to love a baby…these were noble things, good things, not sinful things. So, why did I feel like I was rebelling? Because I was. I knew the Spirit was telling me that this was not our baby. This was not the match that we were supposed to be in. But if I let go and told Marti that I knew in my heart that this was not the match for us, when would I get a baby? Would I ever? If God really didn’t want us in this match, then He could shut the door. Yes, that is what He should do. If He doesn’t want us to do this He is big enough and powerful enough to shut the door. So, You do it, God because I can’t (won’t).
I was a teacher and it was summer time, so when I got home I had no work deadlines or anything important to keep my mind occupied to keep me from thinking about this nagging feeling in my heart. “Okay, God, I’ll help You out. If You don’t want me to do this, then I’m going to call a friend and she will just tell me that she doesn’t think this is a good idea. Okay? You shut this door for me if that is what You want. I mean, I do want to obey You, so You do this. Okay?”
Hmmm…looking back I see my stubbornness, but at that moment I thought I was being so gracious to our Lord. Amazing that He loves me! Here I was telling THE Creator of the Universe what to do and how to do it. But you know what I realize right now? My God loves me. My Savior came to save me, set me free, NOT to condemn me. He should’ve struck me with a bolt of fire from Heaven right then like He did to those rebellious ones in the desert who spoke against Moses. After all, I wasn’t challenging God’s man, I was challenging God Himself!
The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.
Jeremiah 31:3
We love because
He
first loved us.
I John 4:19
As I read my own story I am leveled with the love the Father has for me/us! I am undone as I see the audacity of my sinful heart!
Well, I was planning on telling you the rest of the story right now, but I can’t. I have been reminded of my rebellion and how He loves me. How He has lavished me in love when I certainly didn’t deserve it. What I am thinking right now is that I need to go reflect on what I am telling God that He needs to do in my current circumstances. It is good for us to remember, because I know how this story turns out. I know how much I wanted what I wanted, and how I justified that He should not deny me because it was a good thing. But He wanted ALL of my heart then just likes He wants all of it right now.
“Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.”
I can see clearly now, though I honestly couldn’t at the time, that I was making motherhood, having my own baby, my god. Because He loves me, He wouldn’t give me a peace. He knew it was in my best interest to put what I wanted most on the altar and proclaim the truth that He is worthy. Could I give up what I wanted most and proclaim the truth of His worthiness? Could I say that even if He never gave me a baby, that He was enough? And can I do that with what He has before me today? Am I willing to die to self, to my “noble” ideas and desires and say that they are nothing compared to Him? I must. My heart compels me so. Even though I am weak right now, and don’t want to give up my dream, He is so great that He compels me to say, “You are enough. Your will be done. You are worthy!”
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
p.s. I will tell you what happened next time, but I ask you to pray for me that I can live what I am committing to do right now. He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
A Warrior Princess Weapon Part I
I have really been struggling with living in our current circumstances; coming out of a year of more health issues, my husband being out of work for 10 months, depleting our savings,and now my daughter facing a pretty serious surgery later this month. It is hard not to cave in to depression and despair when we keep praying and God does not move or change anything. I have definitely done my share of praying and crying out (and plain old crying), but the Lord is telling me to remember what He has already done. So, the weapon I am using this week is REMEMBER.
The night of our first adoption class at the Christian agency where we were pursuing adoption through, our instructor addressed this issue of fear head on. She said that instead of fearing the birth family’s involvement in our lives, that we should consider that God had ordained each of our families and that this might be an opportunity to minister to our baby’s birth parents. What if we took the wind out of the enemy’s sail and turned it around as an opportunity to bless instead of self protect? What a freeing thing it was to admit that we have this fear, but trust that the Lord had everything orchestrated for His purposes and our good, and ultimately the good of our child and his/her birth family. The only way we knew to accomplish that would be to take every fear and/or desire to the Lord. There were a lot of them because the enemy had been heaping a lot of lies on us as we struggled through our infertility; thoughts like us not being good enough, so that's why God wouldn't allow us to get pregnant.
So, we left there that night in October ready and willing to face our fear, open to a relationship with our baby’s birth family, and with hearts excited and praying for our baby’s birth mother. That night in October we began to discipline our hearts and minds to think, act and pray out of power, love, and truth. We chose to take captive our fearful thoughts and replace them with the truth that God is in control, and we began to pray for our baby and his/her birth mother.
As I look back, this was a great training ground for things we were going to face later. It had been painful going through the process of finding out that we could never have children on our own, but since we had no other option but to trust our Savior, He was already preparing me to trust Him completely even in things that I felt like I had some options to make things go my way. He was getting me ready to trust Him in COMPLETE abandon. I'll tell you about that next time.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
But do not be afraid of them;
remember well
what the Lord
your God did
to Pharaoh and
to all Egypt.
to all Egypt.
Deuteronomy 7:18
There are so many places that the Lord tells us to remember. It is for our own good because so much of what we fear and worry about has not even happened yet. And if if it does happen, we need to remember that He is ALWAYS in control. Remembering past situations where things seemed fearful and out of control help us to see that God has already brought us through difficulties, and give us encouragement that He is still in control in our current pain. So, what I have to share with you right now is for my own strengthening. I choose to remember what He has already done. It is a bit of a long story, so I'm going to post it in several parts.
About 15 years ago, God made it very clear that we were not able to have children. I am thankful, as painful as it was, that we had a definite answer and knew that our best option was to persue building a family through adoption, so I will spare you the struggle and pain it took us to get to that point, and begin with the place where we began the process to get certified for adoption.
When we started the adoption classes we thought, “Open adoption has worked fine for some of the couples we know, but we don’t want that.” The truth is, it was scary to think about having a relationship with the birthmother of our child. We wanted our baby to be “our baby” and we didn’t want to have to share him/her with the birth family. Plus, what if our child ended up wanting a relationship with the birth parents and liked them more than us, and the list of fears went on from there. That was self protection and fear, and God wanted to free me from them.
For God has not given us a
spirit of fear and timidity,
but of power,
love,
and self discipline.
II Timothy 1:7
We demolish arguments
and every pretension
that sets itself up
against the knowledge
of God,
and we take captive
every thought
to make it obedient
to Christ.
IICorinthians 10:5
So, we left there that night in October ready and willing to face our fear, open to a relationship with our baby’s birth family, and with hearts excited and praying for our baby’s birth mother. That night in October we began to discipline our hearts and minds to think, act and pray out of power, love, and truth. We chose to take captive our fearful thoughts and replace them with the truth that God is in control, and we began to pray for our baby and his/her birth mother.
As I look back, this was a great training ground for things we were going to face later. It had been painful going through the process of finding out that we could never have children on our own, but since we had no other option but to trust our Savior, He was already preparing me to trust Him completely even in things that I felt like I had some options to make things go my way. He was getting me ready to trust Him in COMPLETE abandon. I'll tell you about that next time.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I just have to post Zac's other video. It, too, is powerful and inspiring. I was reading from the book Praying God's Word by Beth Moore this morning and came across this quote by Charles Spurgeon.
So, what are you facing today? Can you thank the Lord for it? This can be a hard thing to do! It is even harder to do it with a good attitude.
Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
I write this with all reverance: God Himself
cannot deliver a person who is not in trouble.
Therefore, it is to some advantage to be in
distress, because God can then deliver you.
Even Jesus Christ, the Healer of me, cannot
heal a person who is not sick.
Therefore, sickness is not an adversity for us,
but rather an advantageous opportunity
for Christ to heal us.
The point is, my reader, your adversity
may prove your advantage
by offering occassion for the display
of divine grace.
So, what are you facing today? Can you thank the Lord for it? This can be a hard thing to do! It is even harder to do it with a good attitude.
Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Sole Deo Gloria,
WP Stacey
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